Why, yes, it does make me crabby

It does indeed make me crabby when men brag about all the free parking downtown. I, too, wish that I could take advantage of the free parking downtown, but I don’t have a dick, so I don’t get to believe I can walk where I want with impunity. And, if something goes wrong, I get the “but why were you walking alone there anyway?” questions.

And what kind of jackass would flaunt that in front of someone who can’t take advantage of it?

So, yeah, I find it annoying that Davidson County residents have to pay to park in their own downtown. But I find it infuriating that the answer is “but there is free parking,” as if that parking is actually equally available.

No man has to have a chaperone to take advantage of the free parking downtown, but if I don’t, and if anything goes wrong, it’s my fault, at least in part.

And that, my friends, is bullshit.


16 thoughts on “Why, yes, it does make me crabby

  1. In doing research for my book I came across a wonderful book that should be given to every woman over the age of 14: “The Gift Of Fear” by Gavin de Becker. I can’t recommend it enough. I was actually told about it by a guy friend, who had given it to his daughters.

    One quote from the book that really resonated (paraphrasing): At their core, men are afraid women will laugh at them, while women, at their core, are afraid men will kill them.

    I understand this viewpoint has been considered quite controversial but I believe it to be 100% true.

  2. Southern Beale, I’ve been meaning to buy/read that book for years. Thanks for the reminder. I ordered it off Amazon today and can’t wait to read it. Thanks for the reminder.

  3. I heartily second the reccomendation of _The Gift of Fear_. But be prepared to be challenged by it. I read it about 6 years ago and I still find myself trying to “logic” myself out of what are really dangerous situations because I’ve been trained to ignore my intuition. It’s *hard* and also heart-breaking to realize that.

  4. I Third it.
    I recently got out of a verbally abusive relationship (20 yrs +kids) and I was/am terrified I will attract that kind of person again, so I read this book. Peaches is right about the challenges to your “ego”.
    Of all the new age hoo-ha I once read, the most enduring lesson is that of “mindfulness”. Mr. DeBecker reminds us that that is our best state of being. Hard to do everyday, though.

  5. I found the deBecker book a huge relief. I have a very keen intuition and a very strong sense of self-preservation — perhaps it’s something my folks drilled into me, seeing as how we lived in a very large city. But women are told to ignore their intuition, we’re socialized to think only good thought about people, “don’t be so paranoid” is hammered into us from a young age. Well, fuck that. BE paranoid — it could save your life.

    I can count two instances here in Nashville where my intuition told me something was not right and I was 100% correct. Once it was the middle of the day and I was walking my dog in my own neighborhood. A pervert in an automobile tried to block me in an alley. Was he going to kidnap me? Just flash his pecker at me? I wasn’t going to hang around to find out. I fortunately knew more about my own neighborhood than he did and was able to get to run to a neighbors house who, fortunately, was home. I called the police.

    But because “nothing happened” the police indicated I had overreacted. The police officer was a male. He didn’t understand that it’s threatening to a woman when a strange guy moves his car forward, then backs up, then moves forward again, then backs up again, using his vehicle to block you in an alley like an animal.


  6. After I read this blog post yesterday, and Southern Beale’s comment about that book, I had to run a few errands – one of which included stopping in the local grocery to buy cat food.

    For a few months, there has been this one guy that works there. He’s always in a good mood, is jovial and helpful, etc. But something has always bugged me about him. He’s what I call “too familiar”. An example: One of the first few times I’d encountered him, I was buying items to make spaghetti. He commented on what I was buying and said “well, what time is dinner, so I can come over to eat” – he was serious. Another time, I was buying beer and he carded me and remarked how young I look and how we’re the same age, and that he’s just a month or two younger than me. Yesterday, I went into the store and bought cat food and a pack of cigarettes. I walked up to the registers and one line had 2 people in it. The other line, his line, had no one. I was trapped. (Note: I had on no makeup, sweats and my hair was in a ponytail b/c I’d planned on staying home all day on the sofa.) He said something about how was my day and I said I was only out b/c the cat was out of food. Then he said “well, I need to buddy up to your cat so you’ll come in to see me more often” – then he carded me again and went on and on about how we were near the same age. It’s that whole thing about giving too much information – or trying to form some sort of similar bond with me in order to establish trust.

    My skin crawled the entire time, which was all of 5 minutes or less. I felt the absolute need to get out of there as soon as possible. And I did.

    My married neighbor who has encountered him has said the same thing. She said he even flirts with her in front of her children. I told her everything I recounted here just now when I spoke to her this morning on the phone. She thinks we should report him to the management. I told her those people would think we’re nuts. Still, I’m going to be Krogering from now on. Something is seriously wrong with that guy.

  7. I grew old before the age of mandatory carding until you are 90 for beer and smokes, but Libertarian Girl needs to point out that women are at a greater risk from predators when they have to produce documents with their freakin’ home address on them in order to buy ordinary legal goods.

    Never hand your license to a person who makes you uneasy. Be rude. Wait in another line. Go to another store. But yeah…if he’s looking at your age, he’s looking at your address.

  8. Oh my gosh, I never actually made that connection, that if they’re checking your license to verify age, they’re seeing your home address! GAH!!!

    Then as soon as I started to face the horror I realized that here in Indiana, they can scan the bar code on the back of the license to verify age. I used to think that alone was creepy… but now, maybe that’s a personal security benefit… hmmm… what an interesting conundrum – my info available via a simple scan versus not having creepy people up to no good viewing my personal info.

  9. That tends to be why I nearly always use my military ID when I’m carded.

    1) It only has my name, rank, birthday (and a couple of other details only pertinent to the military on it


    2) it sort gives people the impression that I have the equivalent of 50 protective older brothers that will bear down on anyone who harms me. (Whether or not this statement is true is debateable but I digress)

    On another note: Way to go Aunt B! you tell that faux nephew what an ass he is.

  10. Oh my gosh, I never actually made that connection

    Me either. I’m male, but when I read bridgett’s comment I actually got goosebumps. Can’t believe I hadn’t thought of that.

    Fortunately I’m good til my license is up for renewal in 2012 since I’ve moved and my proof of address change is in my wallet BEHIND my license. So creepy cashiers can visit the address on my license all they want, I won’t be there!

  11. I totally just spent 10 minutes trimming down the sticky part of a post-it note to hide my address on my license. That way, if a cop or the Post Office people need it, I can peel it off, but it’s no longer openly available.

  12. I have always covered my address with my finger when being carded for anything. (Nyquil. Nyquil?!? Seriously. Fuck off with that shit.)

    The few times I’ve been challenged I’ve flat-out said that I do not give my address to random strangers in exchange for the priviledge to buy beer and cough syrup.

    They’re usually so thrown off by my confidence that they forget they were trying to powertrip by demanding my Papers.

  13. FYI, in some states (not TN) you can use a P. O. box as an address for your license. Or just use your passport, which almost always has an address that’s several years old.

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