People, I would like to write a thoughtful post for you. But I need certain things to get by in life–all this fucking medicine, a hose attached to my face at night, and some more pleasant things, like a swirl of sweet chemicals put together like something in Dr. Frankenstein’s lab, called Diet Dr. Pepper.
And yet, someone (and I’m not naming names, but I’m pretty sure it was THE REDHEADED KID!!!!) drank my last Diet Dr. Pepper after I went to bed.
I hope the movie y’all were watching was crappy, Redheaded Kid!
I’m going to tell the whole internet that your hair isn’t even red anymore, Redheaded Kid!
I hope the dog let rancid farts while you were trying to drink that Diet Dr. Pepper and you couldn’t even enjoy it!
I also hope I have enough change in the car to stop and get one as I’m going into work or things could get ugly.