There is No Diet Dr Pepper in the House!

People, I would like to write a thoughtful post for you. But I need certain things to get by in life–all this fucking medicine, a hose attached to my face at night, and some more pleasant things, like a swirl of sweet chemicals put together like something in Dr. Frankenstein’s lab, called Diet Dr. Pepper.

And yet, someone (and I’m not naming names, but I’m pretty sure it was THE REDHEADED KID!!!!) drank my last Diet Dr. Pepper after I went to bed.

I hope the movie y’all were watching was crappy, Redheaded Kid!

I’m going to tell the whole internet that your hair isn’t even red anymore, Redheaded Kid!

I hope the dog let rancid farts while you were trying to drink that Diet Dr. Pepper and you couldn’t even enjoy it!

I also hope I have enough change in the car to stop and get one as I’m going into work or things could get ugly.



4 thoughts on “There is No Diet Dr Pepper in the House!

  1. Everyone has their drug of choice. We’re currently in the middle of the biggest snowstorm of the season and I’m freaking out that we only have two days’ worth of coffee in the house (and no bacon). I may be a nut, but I’m a self-aware nut.

  2. i was out of diet coke the other day. It was horrible. I literally looked at the cat and – out loud – said “dammit, why isn’t there a diet coke delivery service for moments of crisis like these?”

    Yeah. I feel your pain.

  3. The absence of Coke Zero or Diet Dr. Pepper in my home can be considered a medical emergency. I’m not proud of it, but it’s the truth. May your caffeine and artificial sweetener withdrawal end soon.

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