Daily Archives: April 1, 2010

Apr 1

Waffles and the Professor

People, I feel very sad for you that you don’t get emails from the Professor. I had just gotten done waiting for my potatoes to cook and let me just tell you that, though I only had two small potatoes, I ended up having to cook them in the microwave for like eight-potato time. It was like a cruel joke. I would go in to check and they would still be hard. Again and again and again.

But finally, they were done and eat them and I open my email and I have a message from the Professor, the subject of which is “I think my life is about to change!”

Oh, no! Has she discovered that Wittgenstein is not a mad scientist who makes philosophers from the body parts of other, dead philosophers, and so she’s quitting the whole discipline in disgust?

Is she considering buying a pony?

Have people she’s having sordid scandals with all started a soccer team?

Did she get cable?!

No, no, my friends. She has found a blog by a person who runs around trying to discover what kinds of things can be cooked on a waffle iron.

I know!

It’s so awesome.

I’m delighted and can’t wait until she takes up waffling things herself.

Apr 1

Will Campfied Ever Not be Our April Fool?

Somehow, in spite of being so obviously stupid and mean-spirited that it’s almost funny, Campfield’s bill requiring teachers to lie to students about the existence of gay people continues on. Seriously, folks, in this day and age, when you’re pushing the social agenda of the Westboro Baptist folks, it’s time for some deep soul searching.

But one wonders, even if you were extremely socially conservative, even if you saw nothing wrong with forcing teachers to lie to children to suit your political agenda, why wouldn’t you be putting your time and energy into bills that actually do something?

And then, this morning, I read this post by Shannon, which is not at all about requiring teacher to lie to students, but in which she says:

The actual reason why fun feminism is so popular in commercial culture is because it doesn’t actually require change. It’s pretty similar to the reason why ‘complaining about the family structure of other people’ has become pretty much the only political activism we see here in the south, except for ‘bitching about taxes’.

Ah ha! Legislating that teachers have to lie to students doesn’t actually require change or work or anything on Campfield’s part.

It makes me curious about how much of his legislation is devoted to entropy, but not curious enough to look.

…

Oh my god! It’s true! Campfield is some kind of lesser god of laziness. Simply writing a post about him has made me lazy.

Apr 1

How is there a Fire Hazard?

I am going to just ask, because every morning this week, when I go out to walk the dog, it is so muddy you have to try to step on high spots in the lawn, lest you loose your shoe to the muck. And every morning I come home with my feet soaked clear through shoes and socks and the bottoms of my pants.

And yet, we are under a fire hazard warning.

Is the rest of the county not a wet sponge? I just don’t get it.