Words I Never Thought I’d Say

I had the most pleasant trip to the gynecologist, today. It was so fast. And, yes, painful, but not too bad. For you, gentlemen, imagine a diarrhea cramp coupled with a poking sensation and that will get you pretty close. And the woman who took my blood was a genius. I don’t think I’ve ever had blood taken so painlessly and quickly.

I asked if the metformin could be making me a tick magnet, but she said, no, that she is also a tick magnet. Some folks just are. She herself had a handful of ticks yesterday.

Also, the next time I’m in, I’ll go for my first mammogram.

I don’t know why, but that kind of weirds me out.

9 thoughts on “Words I Never Thought I’d Say

  1. You can totally reuse this morning’s picture!

    Mammograms are way less awkward than pelvic exams. Although one technician I had spoke like Mary Poppins and yet she expected me to be still.

  2. My one mammogram experience left me swearing NEVER AGAIN. They can ultrasound my boobs, shove me in MRI machines, or whole-body x-rays, but no more boob mashing.

    Especially since when they weren’t sure from the mammogram, they switched to ultrasound anyway.

  3. Oh, you’re in trouble now! We’re all going to be crashing your reunion, bringing our liberal ways and our Midwestern casseroles.

    I have just realized that the recipe for any Midwestern casserole is as follows:

    A lot of something someone in your family normally doesn’t want to eat–green beans, tuna, etc.

    Something crunchy–crackers, bread crumbs, fried onions

    A dairy product–cheese, milk, etc.

    Salt and pepper to taste.

    And then, obviously, if you’re making the exact same thing, but with something your family likes to eat, that’s either potatoes au gratin or macaroni and cheese.

  4. I didn’t find the mammogram as squeezy as I expected. But then, my boobs are middlin’ sized. Are larger breasts squished more?
    Having to hold my breath was a surprise and caught me short of air towards the end.

  5. Mammograms depend on the skill of the tech. I have one absolute horror story about pain and ineptitude (every position painful, and half of the pictures having to be redone because the tech had set something wrong, because she hadn’t realized that my breasts were more muscle-y than fatty, because she hadn’t bothered to look at me, just at my chart, and “these are not the breasts of a 40-year-old!” — um, yes they are) but mostly no big deal. And once I had a tech who had trained at the school where I was teaching, and I got such red-carpet treatment you wouldn’t believe, and only minimal pinching. The moral is, make friends with your radiology tech.

  6. I had my first mammogram 5 years ago, just after my mom was diagnosed. It was not that a big of a deal; my tech was great. Couldn’t really breathe for a minute but it was over quickly.

    You’ll do fine. :)

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