I didn’t watch the Republican gubernatorial debate, because, frankly, I thought sitting around picking my toes would be just as useful. But reports coming out of what happened sound so much like how a liberal would write a parody of a Republican gubernatorial debate that I now wish I’d seen it with my own eyes.
Woods quotes Tennessee’s Angriest Gubernatorial Candidate:
“I sleep with a gun next to my head and I’m not going to tell you what it is or frankly who it’s titled to. To me it’s like a right that we have and I’m a no exceptions, no excuses kind of guy. I think governors, as this separation takes place in our country between good places and bad places and as long as this nanny state federal government is going in that direction, this is one of those things we may have to meet them at the state line about. And I”m just telling you Tennesseans because there are some tough times coming. Don’t elect some sissy wannabe as your governor. It’s time for tough people standing up to protect what we have left in this country. We’re going to need those kind of tough people. This is one of those issues we’re going to have to buck up on.”
People, not in his nightstand, not in a gun safe in his bedroom, but next to his head! I suppose tossing and turning in one’s sleep is for sissies? When Wamp gets up in the morning, instead of sheet-prints in his cheek, does he have the relief of the bumpy grip of a gun handle? Why bring up who it’s title to? I mean, it’s either his or his wife’s right? Unless it’s the gun of a sissy?
At the next debate are they all going to have to pull out their dicks to prove who’s bigger?
I mean, really.
As for the “sissy” stuff, what next? Are we going to have to endure insinuations about which candidates are “light in the loafers”? Is this going to be the summer of Zach Wamp finding antique ways of insinuating his opponents are homosexuals? I mean, it’s bad enough that he thinks casting aspersions on his opponents’ sexuality is a winning strategy. That’s going to be unfun to deal with all election season. But by god, does he have to be so square about it?
I’m half imagining that the Tennessee papers will have to all chip in and hire a 75-year old to decipher Wamp’s bigotry.
“Okay, William, Wamp said that Haslam is more Ginger than Fred. Is that a slur against gays or a knock on women or anti-redhead bigotry? Who is this ‘Fred’?”
All right, I’ll concede, it would be kind of funny if only old people got Wamp’s insults.