I didn’t watch the Republican gubernatorial debate, because, frankly, I thought sitting around picking my toes would be just as useful. But reports coming out of what happened sound so much like how a liberal would write a parody of a Republican gubernatorial debate that I now wish I’d seen it with my own eyes.
Woods quotes Tennessee’s Angriest Gubernatorial Candidate:
“I sleep with a gun next to my head and I’m not going to tell you what it is or frankly who it’s titled to. To me it’s like a right that we have and I’m a no exceptions, no excuses kind of guy. I think governors, as this separation takes place in our country between good places and bad places and as long as this nanny state federal government is going in that direction, this is one of those things we may have to meet them at the state line about. And I”m just telling you Tennesseans because there are some tough times coming. Don’t elect some sissy wannabe as your governor. It’s time for tough people standing up to protect what we have left in this country. We’re going to need those kind of tough people. This is one of those issues we’re going to have to buck up on.”
People, not in his nightstand, not in a gun safe in his bedroom, but next to his head! I suppose tossing and turning in one’s sleep is for sissies? When Wamp gets up in the morning, instead of sheet-prints in his cheek, does he have the relief of the bumpy grip of a gun handle? Why bring up who it’s title to? I mean, it’s either his or his wife’s right? Unless it’s the gun of a sissy?
At the next debate are they all going to have to pull out their dicks to prove who’s bigger?
I mean, really.
As for the “sissy” stuff, what next? Are we going to have to endure insinuations about which candidates are “light in the loafers”? Is this going to be the summer of Zach Wamp finding antique ways of insinuating his opponents are homosexuals? I mean, it’s bad enough that he thinks casting aspersions on his opponents’ sexuality is a winning strategy. That’s going to be unfun to deal with all election season. But by god, does he have to be so square about it?
I’m half imagining that the Tennessee papers will have to all chip in and hire a 75-year old to decipher Wamp’s bigotry.
“Okay, William, Wamp said that Haslam is more Ginger than Fred. Is that a slur against gays or a knock on women or anti-redhead bigotry? Who is this ‘Fred’?”
All right, I’ll concede, it would be kind of funny if only old people got Wamp’s insults.
Tiny Cat Pants 
> All right, I’ll concede, it would be kind of funny if only old people got Wamp’s insults.
“Hearing-aid whistles”
I’d say people who sleep with a gun next to their heads are generally deeply afraid of something.
And who’s supposed to be the sissy again?
I’d say people who sleep with a gun next to their heads are generally deeply afraid of something.
YES!!! I always hear “I keep my gun with me at all times because I refuse to live in fear!” and I’m like “Umm….”
Damn it, Samantha, you beat me to it….
I’m missing something here. The first part of what Wamp says is clear:
“I sleep with a gun next to my head and I’m not going to tell you what it is or frankly who it’s titled to. To me it’s like a right that we have and I’m a no exceptions, no excuses kind of guy. One can agree with what he’s doing and saying or think he’s foolish, but it’s coherent and grammatical and internally consistent.
But then, he gets to as this separation takes place in our country between good places and bad places and as long as this nanny state federal government is going in that direction, this is one of those things we may have to meet them at the state line about. I start to get confused. What good places and bad places? Does he mean places that are safe and places that are so unsafe a person must sleep with a gun? Or places that let a person sleep with a gun and places that don’t? Or something else? And how are the places separating — by being increasingly good and bad? I literally don’t know what the subject is any more. In any case, which is the direction the federal gov’t is going?
At least we know that the federal gov’t is also, to Wamp, not conforming to proper gender roles. Since it’s not a properly subservient female but a nanny, daring to tell boys like him what to do. Come to think of it, that’s even more revealing than all his stuff about sissies. His politics boils down to “you’re not the boss of me!”
Oh my goodness, thank you, folks, for making me laugh out loud, and making our Texas state politics seem, for the moment, almost coherent. Though I’m sure we’ll do a new dumb thing before the week is out.
“I’m half imagining that the Tennessee papers will have to all chip in and hire a 75-year old to decipher Wamp’s bigotry.”
Ahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha. Lord have mercy, that’s funny.
Blog post of the day. Possibly the year.
I really wish you HAD watched it. It was truly awesome, and I can only imagine what tasty blogging would have resulted if you’d been able to see the whole thing. This tidbit is delicious as it is!
I just have one question: does Wamp live in one of the “bad places,” or does he only sleep there?
Is it really responsible to leave a (presumably loaded) gun lying around with two kids in the home? I know they’re college-age now; how long has this practice been going on?
I have no problem with the man owning guns, as long as they’re properly secured. I’ve got a closet full of them, which I have safely owned throughout my 18-yr old son’s life. It’s disturbing, to put it mildly, to hear someone equate gun ownership with penis size, and the “I’m not gonna tell you” part is really buggin’.
Is Wamp being coy about a Barrett .50 cal still titled to Ronnie Barrett? Does he mean it’s one of those cute pink-handled Lady Smith revolvers titled to his wife? Or is it a stolen shotgun still titled to the guy from whom it was ripped off?
Usually, when a politician uses the metaphor “a gun to my head” isn’t it just a metaphor? And isn’t someone else responsible for the gun?
OC: Wamp is hardcore. He don’t need no stinkin metaphor, OR someone else to do it. Con4lyfe
If you had watched the debate, you would know that the real front-runner for the bat-shit crazy vote is Joe Kirkpatrick. He has a real wall-eyed look about him and said some things like “liberalism is a mental illness.”
Vvixen: yeah he also did things like hint that he wants to charge Obama (and liberals in general) with treason.
Does Zack keep his head piece at C-Street?
That was hilarious, Aunt B, thanks.
You know who else slept with a loaded gun next to her head?
My 87-year-old Texas-border-town livin’ grandmother, that’s who.
This cracked me up, B. Personally, I think Wamp is incoherent. I can’t follow half of the stuff he’s saying.
I don’t know if I’d agree with you that it’s so much anger as it is that he’s just a rabid dog—you know, mad dog. Maybe he sleeps with the gun under the pillow because he’s afraid that some honest Atticus Finch will finally step out into the road and end his delirious ravings.
Okay, okay, so Zachery Wamp is admitting that he sleeps in bed at night with a phallic symbol by his head – but does Wamp the Non-Sissy keep it cocked or uncocked?