Little Disagreements

1. The Butcher and I are having a fight about Tom Petty’s new single. I say, “You had me at the first five notes of the guitar part.” He says that he hates the musical arrangement.

2. So, while we were at Mule Day, we saw some folks selling some wood bookshelves. Later, my dad said, “Call those folks and arrange to get some and I’ll buy them for you as a birthday gift. Just let me know the details and I’ll work it out.” Later still, I say, “Okay, here’s the deal.” And he says, “I don’t care. I’m just giving you a check. You can do what you want with it.” Yeah, no. I’d already ordered the bookshelves. So, I could not put the money towards what I wanted–a patched driveway. And then the motherfucker didn’t even consider how we were going to get the bookshelves from Smithville to Nashville. He thought we could just put them in my car. I drive a Corolla people. The bookcases are over six feet tall. Unless there’s a fucking wormhole in my trunk, they’re not going to fit in my car.

Luckily, the Butcher has some awesome friends, and so, as of yesterday, the bookshelves are in my garage waiting to be stained.

I know it’s a nice gesture and lord knows we need some bookshelves, but that whole “I’m just giving you a check. You can do what you want with it,” after I already ordered the bookshelves, because he told me to… I don’t know. It just pisses me off. Like it’s now my decision to get some bookshelves instead of using the money on the driveway instead of his.

I was telling the Professor that the thing that aggravates me so much about my family is how they are pure patriarchy, but in this way in which they really count on one woman standing up and being the boss (behind the scenes), who they then can denigrate and sulk about being so god damn bossy. And I see that it’s going to be me. No matter how much I don’t want to be the “enemy” of our family, it’s going to be me.

3. Oh, and get this. So my oldest nephew’s mom is getting divorced. And, in Georgia, there’s a presumption of 50/50 joint custody unless one parent can prove that the other parent should not have it. And her lawyer, according to my brother, told her that her husband’s beating on her is not enough for the courts to take his kids from him. She needs a kid to testify about what he does to kids. So, she wants my nephew to. He’s ambivalent about it, both because he’s still kind of terrified of his step-dad and because he’s afraid they will ask him whether he told his mom about it and whether she did anything and he will have to say that she did know and that she didn’t do anything.

My brother is, of course, all “She never did anything to protect [my nephew]. And we all told her what a piece of shit [her husband] is before she married him, so it’s her own damn fault.”

People. My brother didn’t attempt once to get custody of my nephew when he knew for a fact my nephew’s step-dad was beating him.

And this is somehow all her fault?

But, right? Set up some woman as the secret all-powerful baddy whose every behavior is up for scrutiny and who cannot help but fail.

Not that she’s not to blame for letting her husband beat on my nephew, but Jesus Christ, you know who shouldn’t say jack shit about that? The father who also stood by and let it happen.

Fuck them both.

But that’s not even the end of it. So, I talk to my dad last night, who is in DC for my cousin’s wedding, and who has called to tell me about his best friend’s church being destroyed in a tornado (also the church of my Uncle B. and his kids and all the kidlets I have been crocheting for lately). And I mention my nephew going to court and being nervous.

And my Dad says, “Well, there shouldn’t be any problem. There are police reports about what [evil step-dad] did to [my nephew].”

And just as soon as he started to say it, I could hear the uncertainty creep into his voice, like maybe the police reports weren’t real, but were just some bullshit fantasy designed to stop him from pushing the issue.

I don’t know. I can’t bear to know, honestly.

But I am sad for those kids and I hope they can get past what they’ve been through.

Anyway, shoot, that’s depressing.

4. I was rereading the first ghost stories I have written when the Butcher came home last night. I screamed so loud when the door opened, I can’t even tell you. Even though I expected him, it still scared the shit out of me.  I think that’s a good sign.

4 thoughts on “Little Disagreements

  1. I like the song a lot on first listen, which probably means I’ll love it on the replay. It’s very Zeppelin, maaaaan.

  2. Well, dang. If the ghost stories made you scream and you wrote them, I can’t frickin’ wait to read them in October! Very good sign.

  3. Hey, I’m the That Bitch in my family too! They’re less outwardly dysfunctional and more horribly inhibited and messed up about things, so my insistence on Blogging About My Life and speaking up when shit makes me angry (even shit you’re not supposed to talk about like sex or violence or crappy Christians) means they are all Praying For Me.

    The hardest part has been realizing that even when I speak the truth that needs speaking, I am powerless to make them do anything or even see what they don’t want to see. That’s not what the Hallmark movies taught me would happen and it pisses me off.

    Whatever. Good luck with your family, I hope for the best for your nephew.

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