I’m going to tell you all a funny story, because I realized recently that it isn’t mortifying to me any more, but funny. Because I think that I have a rule to live by that is pretty much the opposite of Occam’s Razor. Occam’s Razor is basically that the simplest explanation is probably right.
So, if you come home and discover someone has eaten the last of the cookies, it probably was the person sitting on the couch covered in crumbs and not aliens who covered him in crumbs to cover their tracks.
I seem to believe in Occam’s hairbrush, a new maxim that is “the most convoluted, ridiculous thing must be the truth.”
So, here is my story. My friend Mary has a husband. A delightful guy who is the frontman in a band. Let us call this band “Pork Rinds.” Now I knew there was a well-known band called Pork Rinds. And I have known Mary for a long time. But I had it in my head that her husband, being an artsy creative person, was in a Pork Rinds cover band that, for the sake of humor, also went by the name Pork Rinds.
I know, even typing it out, it sounds incredibly stupid. But in my head, it made sense–like this incredibly avant-garde approach to having a cover band.
So, I’m explaining to the Butcher about Mary’s husband’s avant-garde cover band called Pork Rinds. And this is back in, like December. Just to give you an idea of how long I have been living with this fantasy and how long it’s taken for me to not be embarrassed about it.
And the Butcher is just dumbfounded. “Are you kidding?” and he sees I am not, so he just starts laughing. “B. people don’t have cover bands with the same name as the band they’re covering. And how big an audience could there possibly be for a Pork Rinds cover band?”
I try to defend myself by explaining that it’s not so much a cover band as it is a kind of performance art.
“So, it never occurred to you that this guy was actually in Pork Rinds? Did you not look them up on the internet to see if you, oh, recognized anyone in the band?!”
“Oh. My. God. We cannot be related.”
Edited to add: I hope it’s obvious that Pork Rinds is a pseudonym for the band, because… well, shoot… even the dog gets a pseudonym.