Good Lord, It’s Hot

I honestly do not know how folks lived in the South before air conditioning. I mean, I get what the women did. We probably regularly soaked our bloomers in cold water and put them on under long dresses that focused airflow into our core. But how did people who wore pants do down here?!

I honestly don’t get it. In my childhood, in the North, we’d leave our cars running in the winter, if we went into a store. When I first moved down here, you’d see people leaving their cars running in the summer if they ran into a store. This morning, the DJ on the radio said “Our official temperature is 84, but the bank on my way in already said 90.” And that was at 9:00 in the morning.

Good lord, no wonder cacti and yucca grow wild here.

Anyway, I got some new underwear, speaking of bloomers, and they must have the thickest top band known to underwear. I am going to bet you a million dollars that they don’t have a fat woman designing underwear for fat women, because your choices are always underwear that goes up to your armpits (which, I guess, you can tuck up under your boobs, to help with crappy bra chafing) or underwear that seems like it was designed for… I don’t know whom. I’m trying to imagine what the woman who this underwear was designed for would look like. Apparently she has a very large butt, but then a very tiny circumference area between her cooter and her belly? Like right where your actual hipbones are? And that’s where they have the thick stretchy band?

I guess in case a big wing catches all that extra fabric in my butt area and I lift off like a kite, they don’t want these puppies falling off me, leading me to crash to the ground, and suing them.

I wonder at what point my underwear is going to come with a safety belt.

I wonder if women whose underwear does have safety restraints have more exciting lives than mine…

12 thoughts on “Good Lord, It’s Hot

  1. The a/c at my office isn’t working (again) and it was 89 degrees inside when I left today. Yes, I left. We are working in shifts until the a/c repairwoman gets there.

  2. It wasn’t this hot before air conditioning. That’s how. We’re breaking records.

    Also, Al Gore is fat. Too.

  3. I’m about melted down here. My little window unit cannot handle this kind of heat for days straight like this. I’m used to having an uncomfortable week or two in July or August – the fact that this is happening in June is upsetting me greatly. I can only hope that this means we are going to have a milder than normal July or August.

    I know one thing, our weather is just whacked all to hell in recent years and we lifelong residents of Tennessee can’t depend on anything we ever thought we knew about Tennessee weather anymore. It’s seemed to me for the last two or three years that our weather is generally “off” by a month at some point in every season, but not necessarily off by a month year round. I dunno, it’s weird.

    My mom grew up on a farm and they didn’t have AC until she was either in HS or after she left home for college, and I remember thinking how did they stand it. And her mother worked, so Mom’s jobs during the summer were things like ironing and all that, and yuck. But she said though it was uncomfortable, it just didn’t seem as hot as it mostly does now, which I guess is true.

    I used to love May and June in the Mid-South, but not anymore.

  4. The way people in the South survived the heat is far and wide. First, people back then were accustomed to it. But if you look at the architecture of old Southern homes, there are clues. Transoms above doors for example… those circulated air in some form or fashion. The tall windows played a part, but I’ve long forgotten their role. Thick curtains also were employed to keep the sun out.

    We’ve gotten spoiled with air conditioning. I just turned mine on about a week ago. I keep it set at 80, otherwise I freeze.

    Being from Mississippi, I’ve been in worse. But honestly, the worst kind of hot I have ever been is when I was in New Orleans 1 year prior to Hurricane Katrina. You could literally SEE the heat.

  5. God, and the HUMIDTY. I’m in the Valley, and last Friday I stepped out of my building at work to walk a few dozen yards to another building and I was coughing like I’d inhaled water before I could get from one place to another. It’s helly, helly, hell this year even before we hit calendar summer.

    I am long in the stride and broad in the hips, and I think women’s underpants currently are being co-designed by the ghost of De Sade and a sail-maker.

  6. Beth, I’ve never been to New Orleans (sadly) but have often heard from others it’s the only place that really tops up here in Memphis in the summer humidity. So I know what parts of the year I definitely do NOT want to visit New Orleans.

    I’m not trying to one-up the weather situation but folks have got to feel a little sorrier for us down here. We are pretty consistently 8-10 degrees hotter than Paris and Knoxville and usually 5 or more hotter than Nashville. All the more good reason for me to get the hell out of here ASAP and head east. Ugh.

    Though right now I think we’re all pretty much the same, I bet our heat index was hitting 110-113 today and yesterday though.

    I keep thinking there has GOT to be some relief soon but a glance at the forecast this afternoon looks like it’s going to stay this way through the weekend? I may die.

  7. Lynnster, I grew up an hour from Memphis and have been there enough in the summer to know that it’s hellish hot there. My sympathies.

  8. Up here in PA where our AC kicks on in 70 degree weather we had what we call the Sauna Effect on Sunday. The high got to 90 (yeah, I know Wimps!) but the humidity was high and the dewpoint was 72, which is high for up here. It felt like 96 but was just plain crappy. I had been at PetSmart to get cat food and came out of the store to go Eeeep! It was so hot and with a major highway and loads of blacktop around I said the hell with going grocery shopping in that area and went to a more spaced apart neighborhood store where there’s less blacktop and more trees. That made all the difference. Still hot but you could breathe. We are located along the DC-Philly-NYC metrolopis (as Benny Hill would say) and Pottstown, with 55,000 people but not urban by any means, still because of all the development we have a classic urban heat island effect and hold more heat than we used to.

  9. And how do I tell it’s humid? My cup of iced tea sweats, my bra sticks and my underwear heads for the vertical Equator!

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  11. 1) Climate. Change. End of story.
    (Also under that umbrella: our floods, OK City floods, crazy blizzards, that nor’easter that wrecked up the East Coast last, et cetera ad infinitum)

    It’s frightening me some, to be honest.

    2) High ceilings: our old house handles the heat really well. Tall double-hung windows can be opened at the top and at the bottom so the hot air goes out and the cool air comes in.

  12. Phew! Today here in Pottstown we hit 103 and it’s 100 out right now. I said to myself, ” Where is that nice air we had when we had 2 feet of snow on the ground? Today I could go out and jump in 2 feet of snow! Last summer it was cool and wet so we figured we would pay for it this summer. Yup.

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