Vegetable Oil

So, tonight, as I was stuck to a carton of Chinese food, I thought, this is a reason why I am not married. But when the Butcher said “Vegetable oil will unstick you,” and it did, I thought, how is this man not married?

How many things do you know that can unstick you once you’ve spilled a jar of varnish all over yourself?


That’s some handy knowledge the Butcher has.

7 thoughts on “Vegetable Oil

  1. every time I make my super-duper delicious squash casserole, I think “how is it I am not married?” — then I eat the entire thing in one sitting and realize “oh, right… that.”

  2. Makes you wonder what he’s been stuck to in the past.

    Beth, all you gotta do is find a guy that doesn’t like squash casserole. You can’t use the super-duper nature of it as an advantage, but then you don’t have to share either.

  3. And when you get over the euphoria of being unstuck you’re going to tell the story? Right?

  4. See, it was such very, very good Chinese food that she wanted to preserve the carton as a memorial.

    Oh, wait, this is Nashville. Never mind.

  5. Married isn’t always all it’s cracked up to be. Even if you have tethered your life to more or less the perfect person, there will be mornings when he decides to play David Allan Coe albums. And sing along.

  6. Being stuck to a Chinese food carton is positively brilliant and innovative compared to some of the weird things I do.

    I do not even want to talk about how I sprayed myself and the entire bathroom with water when I held the shower head facing directly at my face and then pulled the knob to turn it on when I was cleaning. The embarassing part is that I was completely indignant about having soaked all of my clothes and I got very loud about the offensiveness of basic physics. I may have somehow slipped through the cracks of the marriage industrial complex if any sort of normal behavior is required.

  7. Some women who wonder that about themselves may be like me and 1) Have gotten too long in the tooth to want to be married 2) Are too set in their ways to change things and 3) Don’t want to have to make their bridesmaids (if they decide to have them) wear some silly gowns they will only wear once.

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