Sunday Blues

I’ve reconnected on Facebook with folks I used to know when I was young and interesting. They all have cool lives and husbands and wives and kids, some. I was feeling a little blue about it. As I am prone to do. Until one of them put up pictures of us from back then and I was cute! I know me, having lived with me all my life, so I know I didn’t know I was cute, in fact, probably thought I was too ugly. I sweated being ugly a lot when I was young, hoping people would just find me charming instead.

But here’s my point. I was cute and couldn’t see it.

I get the blues because I have a wonderful life, a cool life myself, and lose sight of it.

I was thinking about going to the park yesterday and how, for a cold day, we ran into a lot of people. Not a lot, but considering that we usually meet either no one or just one other person, six was a lot. Five of them were men. And the woman was with a man.

I was cheated out of a lot of things in life because I didn’t believe I could do them by myself. Until I came by Mrs. Wigglebottom, going to the park was one of those things.

I don’t really know how the two parts of my post fit together. I do wonder if I’ve missed out on stuff. I also wonder if people look at my life and wonder if they’re missing out.

And now I’m embarrassed by how trite that is. But I don’t care.

5 thoughts on “Sunday Blues

  1. I used to think my life was lacking because I didn’t go to college right out of high school (I went 10 years after I graduated HS), or because I didn’t get married and have kids (I did have my son in spite of not being married, raised him by myself, and he turned into a fine man), or because I didn’t have the perfect job. I waited until I was 52 years old to get married, and I met my husband on the internet (we’ve been married 4 years this month).
    But as I look back at my life so far, I see that I’ve had a lot of experiences, because of those things, that the friends I went to school with never had. I don’t know if that’s a good thing or not, but I know it’s made me a more interesting person, with a wider perspective of the world and how it works. It’s also given me a lot more knowledge about people in general. That’s not a bad thing, when you stop to think about it.
    For what it’s worth, I think you have an interesting life, one that I enjoy reading about, and it’s given you perspectives that you wouldn’t otherwise have. And that is definitely a good thing, in my book.

  2. Ya know, no one gets to experience everything human. The question is whether you are missing out on things you truly want to experience, whether you appreciate/enjoy the things you do experience, and whether you do the things that put you in the way of experiencing things you haven’t so far that you’d like to get to.

    That’s where the Mrs. W. part of your post comes in, it seems to me. Because she has freed you up to do things you want that you felt you couldn’t do without her. Sometimes it doesn’t take a dog, just convincing yourself that the heavens won’t fall if you decide to do something you haven’t tried so far. But a dog can help, especially in things involving being outdoors.

  3. I remember you wrote when Mrs. W came to live with you to say exactly that: that you were able to visit parks now, because you thought no one would mess with you. Which is funny, because you don’t strike me as the kind of woman people would mess with–you’re just so bold in the way you hold yourself.
    And yes, I know about the going places on your own without a man. If you are an outdoor woman, especially, you will often find yourself the only woman or the only woman not with a man. I kayak. By myself. I hardly ever see another woman kayaking alone. Most women I see in boats are with their husbands, who are fishing.
    Women I know who don’t kayak seem to think it’s dangerous to go out kayaking alone–or to drive cross country alone (and I even have a cell phone now!), or to hike alone. Yet I grew up riding my horse through the mountains–alone. And yes, something could happen. But something can always happen whether you’re alone or not, whether you’re in the city or in the woods. I have come to believe that having that horse made all the difference to me–just as Mrs W. has for you.

  4. Also probably bears repeating:

    1. You DO lead a cool and interesting life.

    2. People project the best version of their lives on Facebook. You aren’t privy to any imperfect detail, snag, or stress. “Look at my perfect family! Vacations! Holiday parties! Et cetera!” The extra-marital affairs or stress because they bought more house than they can afford are conveniently airbrushed out of updates.

    3. Everyone sweated being ugly when we were young but almost no one legitimately was. :)

  5. Yeah, I think I’m just very stressed about the Holidays and it’s expressing itself as “I suck” rather than “this time of year sucks.” But I realized last night that I’ve been having elaborate daydreams about giving Donal Logue a bath. I mean, elaborate, basically non-erotic fantasies.

    And finally yesterday, as I pondered how one might trim a beard without leaving all those little hairs in the tub where the bather was still sitting, I thought, “You know, this is the daydream of a woman who is trying to avoid thinking about the difficult people who are about to visit.”

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