If you belong to the Gordon Jewish Community Center, it’s free. If not, it’s $15. In the meantime, I will be calling nm every day just whispering “Chevra Kadisha” into the phone until I either pronounce it correctly or she hits me with her umbrella, which, lucky for me, will be difficult since I will be calling her. When I see her in person, I will just shake my head in concern, “Oh, who could this weirdo calling you and mispronouncing ‘Chevra Kadisha’ into the phone be? Kids today. I swear. In my day, when you prank called someone, you didn’t use the opportunity as a language lesson. Oh, sure there were puns. ‘Is your refrigerator running? You’d better go catch it.’ But it was assumed the prank caller had a basic grasp of the linguistic trick she was attempting. When they catch your caller, they should pelt her with cookies or something.”
I think that, as long as I don’t call her while she’s in umbrella-striking distance of me, it should be fine.
Anyway, here are the details.
Believe me, now that I know people will have to pay to come, I will try to cram as many interesting things in there as possible. Okay, not really. But I will consider whether I could read while balancing a small bird on my head.
Tiny Cat Pants 
I have a bad cold. It started yesterday. So I will not be able to hear you over the phone, or to pronounce anything for you without stopping in the middle to cough. You could come to my office and pronounce things for me to critique closer up, but then you might catch my cold and I would certainly hit you with my umbrella. So I think you’re on your own, kid.
Ugh, I hope you don’t have the cold I’ve been fighting, because it lingers and lingers until you about want to just give up and live in bed for the rest of your miserable life.
The plus side is that, if you do have that cold, it will be days before you’re feeling well enough to hit me with your umbrella with any force.
Ah, the old, “I’m sick; come closer.”, ruse. That’ll usually lure them to within umbrella range!
Hmmm….I’ll pass this around the Jewish Grapevine and see if I can’t send a few more people your way.
I would appreciate that a great deal.