Wait, Wait. Is This It?

Okay, people, I swear, after this, I will not bug you about it for the rest of the week. I will just let it stew and see what happens after my subconscious has been able to churn on it.

But I think I’ve been trying too hard.

What is my book about? It’s about a Methodist minister’s daughter who is turning into a flock of birds. That’s it.

The pitch? The sentence or two designed to make them want to read more? Something like:

When Hannah Sims learns she’s turning into a flock of birds, she expects to hear some explanation from God. After all, as a minister’s kid, Hannah grew up in a family that was regularly receiving and conveying messages from the Big Guy.  This time, though, God is keeping His mouth shut. The Devil, however, is talking, and shopping at her same Walmart and dancing, awfully close, to Muddy Waters.

My only question is–Does that read like the Devil is dancing too close to Muddy Wa… Oh my god, I’m sorry. I just had to stare off into space for like five seconds imagining the Devil and Muddy Waters slow-dancing. Why did I not put a scene like that in the book?!


8 thoughts on “Wait, Wait. Is This It?

  1. Hate to say it, but I did see the Devil and Muddy Waters dancing cheek to cheek when I read the blurb, and it took me a minute to shift my mental picture to what you really meant.

    But I also love the idea of a scene w/ the Devil and Muddy Waters dancing. As in together. If you put one in, I wonder if his estate would have anything to say about that?

  2. Yes, I too read it as the Devil and Muddy Waters sharing a cuddle on the dance floor. I can totally believe that MW danced with the Devil on occasion, though perhaps the Devil appeared to him in the form of a heartbreaking woman of irresistably generous endowments.

  3. I have some fear of Muddy Waters coming back from the grave seeking his revenge if I included such a scene, let alone how unhappy his family might be.

    But, ha, okay, I’m feeling good about that other than the slight grammar work needed at the end.

  4. You have a point there.

    And, forgive me for this omission earlier, I like the blurb. It makes me want to read the book. Though having had your delightful, in-person plot summary over lunch, I might hold out for the recorded books version.

  5. The phrase ‘she’s turning into a flock of birds’ and the way you’ve been talking about it in all your pitch related posts makes me think this is some transformation she’s undergoing a little at a time. Along the lines of Jeff Goldblum in ‘The Fly’. Up until this point I thought it was just that she was turning into birds when the moon was full or something along those lines.

  6. W., I imagine she will be able to turn into a flock of birds whenever she wants, whenever she finally gets the hang of it, but for now, this story is just her journey along from discovering that she’s turning into a flock of birds to the point when she does it for the first time.

  7. Love it! Love! Although yeah, the Muddy Waters line was a little distracting. Maybe “to the sound of Muddy Waters” would clarify. Although that sounds more clunky and pedestrian. Nevertheless, totally love this angle on the pitch.

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