First, when Mrs. Wigglebottom and I were at the park yesterday morning, we were attacked by fucking ducks. Not like ducks I’m angry at, though I was a little angry, but actual ducks en flagrante who did not appreciate being disturbed. And the dog hid behind me, after barking at them and provoking them further, as if I had magical duck calming abilities or something.
But then, like three quarters of the way through our walk, I got this weird… I don’t quite know how to explain it. But you know sometimes how you’ll get a pain in, say, your knuckle that lets you know you need to crack said knuckle and you do and everything is wonderful? I got that in my foot. It’s still there now. It’s like right in the arch of my foot and I can’t figure out how to crack it. But oh my god, it’s the most annoying pain ever. Not the most painful pain. I mean, on a scale of one to ten, I’d give it a two or a one and a half, but a two or a one and a half with a shrill voice. And, because of that, I was walking on my foot funny, which caused my ankle to fucking fuck and so this morning I was all “I will walk the dog and that will somehow fix things.”
I don’t know how I thought that was going to work. It’s like getting stabbed and then stabbing yourself to fix it or something. I have no fucking idea.
But, while I was at the second park yesterday (Don’t even try to match my park-going prowess, Nashville, it’s not going to happen.), Polerin showed me how to LARP sword-fight and it was awesome. I mean, you ever have one of those moments where someone has some kind of nerdy knowledge that you did not know you needed but they start to talk and you realize they are answering every question you didn’t even know you had?
Folks, it was like that. She gave me a little sword-construction theory (it involves a trip to Wal-mart, much to her chagrin), sword-holding strategy (keep your sword-hand elbow from jutting out or someone will take it off), and she even whooped me in the back! It was awesome. Oh, and then she did these fancy moves where she showed me how she would use two swords at once on the field and how she has this set-up she likes with a short sword and a spear so that she can either keep you further away from her than your weapon can reach with her spear or she can move in closer than your weapon can defend and stab you with her short blade.
I asked if it was customary to give newbies fifteen minutes to get all the “Ooo, I’m going to stab you with my massive sword,” double entendre bullshit out of their system, because, even writing the above paragraph, I’m all “Heh heh heh.”
If not, I swear, I volunteer to be the person who listens to all that and laughs along, because I am not mature enough not to.