I swear, if a dog misses breakfast, you know it’s time to turn out the search party. Dogs do not miss breakfast. I mean, even think about it. The idea that you’d do something at a set time pretty regularly and a dog would not at least stick his head in to see if it was happening? I think a dog could be in the middle of a giant dog orgy–sex, stinky things to roll in, goose poop far and wide for the eating, a whole area devoted to crotch licking where people who are thoroughly grossed out by it are forced to listen. I’m talking a dog Bacchanalia here.
Dogs carrying on in ways that would make Dionysus blush and your dog could be right in the middle of that and if he heard you dropping food into his bowl, he’d be all “BRB” to his buddies and come and check it out. (Yes, it’s a little known, but self-apparent fact that dogs communicate much like pre-teens, except for instead of LOLing, they’re always BOLing.)
Cats, though? If a cat’s not their for breakfast, who the fuck knows why? I mean, even if a cat shows up for breakfast, he could do like the orange cat and be all “Um, fuck that shit. I only eat the chunky kind” and walk away.
But when the new kitty did not show up for breakfast yesterday and then did not show up for lunch and did not show up when I hollered at her before I went to bed, I freaked the fuck out. I mean, sure, you’re bound to lose a cat every once in a while. But two cats? You loose two cats too close together and it’s unseemly.
And I may have been a little sick to my stomach about it on our walk this morning–speaking of which, they’ve tilled part of the pasture behind us. And that’s good dirt in there! It’s funny. You think that little creek running through the yard is just a kind of bullshit creek, but it is running, at least out back, between two very different kinds of dirt. On our side of the creek, the dirt is tan and very clay-like. On the far side of the creek it’s deep, dark brown, almost black. I’m excited to see what he puts in there.
Anyway, so I was all worried about the new cat and whether she would disappear and I would never see her again, like Stella, rest her soul.
But when I got back to the house, she was already inside, annoyed that breakfast was late.
I said, “Where have you been?!”
But apparently she thought it was none of my business, because she was silent on the matter.