I Didn’t Answer the Big Question

But no, I did not tell my dad about the Devil’s Threesome. I have left it like the sperm squeezing chapter towards the end of Moby Dick. If he comes to me complaining about hot devil sex, that’s how I’ll know he read the book.

Ha ha ha ha ha.

You know, the more I think about it, the more I’m certain that Melville is the Graceland of American literature. Sure, everyone should read Moby Dick once, but you have to look twice at those people who come back repeatedly to cry at the end, you know?

Oh, that’s right, Melville scholars! I said it. What are you going to do? Beat me with your vast collection of intricately carved whale baculum… baculi? bacula? I guess it doesn’t matter what the plural for baculum is because it’s not like you can carry more than one at a time and, motherfuckers, it’s not like I’m not going to see you and your four buddies coming a long way off.

Ha, coming.

Lord almighty, is it too early for penis jokes?

No, no, it’s never too early for penis jokes.

4 thoughts on “I Didn’t Answer the Big Question

  1. Moby Dick has got to be the dryest book ever written, notwithstanding they’re in the middle of the ocean. It’s like water, water, anywhere, but nary a drop to drink. Words words everywhere, but not one single theme that sticks it’s boney fingers out and grabs your attention!

  2. I wish I could agree with you. I would pay good money to get the “I’m walking around wearing a whale foreskin” scene out of my head. That still has my attention!

  3. Isn’t that chapter or subsection or whatever called “The Bishop and His Cassock,” for just that image? It’s been a long-ass time since I read it, but I still have that image in my brain.

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