Have I told y’all my “Hank Williams Junior is the nexus of everything that’s wrong with white people” theory? Ha, well, shoot, the whole theory is right there in the title. I should give it a shorter name, like “The Bocephus Theory” and then, when you got to the part that explained it, I could say “it’s the theory that, while not to blame for everything that is wrong with white people, Hank Jr. is at the hub of it, the axle around which it all spins.
Now, we could argue for days about whether Junior is intentionally spinning the wheel or if he’s just a cog in a cosmic machine of “country people are better than city people,” “we hate effete farts,” “heritage, not hate,” “let’s drop eight thousand names in our mediocre country song,” etc. etc. But let’s not fight.
Instead, let’s petition Congress to give Hank Junior immunity from prosecution for justifiable upside-the-head slapping. Yes, let’s let Junior right his wrongs here on earth. When Kid Rock says “I love black people,” Hank Jr. could go slap him upside the head. When Blake Shelton is all “I think tweeting violent homophobia is funny!” Junior could go slap him upside the head. When Republicans are all “We want to make the prospect of having sex so scary for women that straight guys can’t get laid ever again!!!!” here would come Hank Jr. with a wrist flip to the back of the head for them all.
Hank, these young men grew up emulating you! It’s on you to go straighten them out.