Y’all Want to Hear Something Gross?

Of course you do. Who the fuck would read my blog if they didn’t want to occasionally hear something gross?

Okay, so I went to the eye doctor today, my eye doctor who is awesome, and I’m explaining to her all my eye crap and she’s like “Oh, my god, I can see it from here, your eye is completely clouded over.”

So, she looked and looked and looked in it and then she made me take my contact out and she was like “Yep, that’s a mess.” But then she had to check and make sure my eye itself wasn’t also a cloudy mess, so she looked and looked and looked some more. Then she was like “you know how little kids flip their eyelids back to gross each other out? I’m going to do that to you.”

And she did!

And it was gross. I have all these tiny inflamed bumps on the underside of my eyelid that are just spewing mucus all over my contact lens and causing it to cloud over. I was like “Well, that is a crappy super power. I would like another one. Because fucking up a contact every five months could get expensive.” Anyway, it’s caused by allergies in my case, but then, because I have contacts, it’s like this terrible feedback loop. My eyes are irritated and gunk-filled, which clouds over my contact and makes it hard to see, which causes me to blink a lot which causes the contact to rub against the underside of my bump-filled eyelid, which irritates it and causes it to spew mucus all over my contact. Lather, rinse, repeat.

I have to have eyedrops and a new lens.

If only I could get my eyelid to spew mildly corrosive junk at my enemies. I think there’s a lizard who can do that, isn’t there? I’m going to have to find out what that is, in case I need an animal upon which to base my costume.

But, I guess if my eyeball isn’t gong to squirt crap at people on command, it’s probably best to just use the drops and get it cleared up.

Yes, I am aware that I have been complaining for days about how monstrous it is that ticks use human blood to grow another set of legs and here I am talking about squirting poison eye-gunk at people. And no, I can’t explain why the tick’s powers are monstrous and mine clearly are superpowers, but I stand by that assertion.

If ticks want to argue differently, they can get their own blog.

6 thoughts on “Y’all Want to Hear Something Gross?

  1. I’ve got something similar, maybe with less mucus, and it turned out to be a symptom of my rosacea. But nobody ever caught that until I diagnosed myself. So maybe just keep that in the back of your mind, if you’ve got or get rosacea. They put me on a very-low-level antibiotic and it cleared up.

  2. Horny toads spray blood from their eyes when threatened, but I don’t think it’s corrosive, just startling and perhaps foul tasting to the predator.

  3. Oh my gosh. I am very freaked out about how many are the ways in which we are similar. And as I’ve read you talking about your eyes I thought “hmmm. Maybe…but, naah.”

    Yet sure enough. We are alike even in eyewear. You have now come upon the reason I eventually had to quit with the contacts altogether and become a glasses-wearing prole.

    Trust me, it is much better in the long run, even though you do have to contend with the boxed-in vision thing.

  4. Not to worry! I had that too. I also had to endure “Say WHAT?” stares of disbelief when I explained that apparently I’m allergic to my contacts. :/

    I just found you so I’m not in the loop, but I wear those wear-them-two-weeks-then-toss-them soft lenses. If I keep them clean and actually toss them after the two weeks there is no problem.

    ***I’m too pretty for glasses!***

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