Let’s face it. Lavender smells soapy. Whether this is because so many people put lavender in soap or people put lavender in soap because it smelled like it belonged there, I leave for science to figure out.
But I cut some lavender this morning so I could dry it for the Professor, who claims she’s coming back someday.
And I can still smell it, very faintly on my skin, hours later. The soap smell has faded and all that’s left is this faint thick dark smell, like, if you met a man who smelled like that, you’d be unable to resist him.
I should start opening up my lavender for men who’d like to sleep curled around it on Thursday nights so that, by the time they go out on Friday, they smell irresistible.
Then I could mount a webcam and sell internet access to the livestream to appeal to people who have a fetish for men who sleep curled around lavender, which, as sure as I’ve typed it here, must be a real thing in the world. Imagine them, people of the internet, bare and sleepy in my front bed, the hairs on their chests and thighs wrapping slightly around the woody parts of the lavender, one arm curled under their heads for pillows, the other draped in the plant. They wake, wet from dew, to the buzzing of the early bees.
The most highly prized of them all would be the gentleman who slept nearest the steps. His hair would always smell like rosemary and, when you pulled his shirt off him, you’ll find the small scratches of the new rose on his back.
Tiny Cat Pants 
Now, THAT is some sexy writing!
Yes. B., darling, are you trying to make us restless and itchy and yearning, or merely succeeding?
I want to try growing lavender, now that I have an apartment with a real balcony and am living in a year-round warm and sunny climate (which is still really weird to me). I really do find the scent of it soothing.
I think it’s the former explanation. I’ve read that in, I think, Romania, people put ginger in soap, and a lot of people can’t stand to eat ginger because it tastes soapy to them.
Hmm. I always thought ginger had a “clean” smell. That makes sense to me that people put it in soap, though sad that gingerbread cookies are ruined for them.
Goldni, it’s very, very easy to grow. The only thing I’d advise is that, no matter how small the plant, you get it a sturdy, huge container, because two of the lavender (the purple ones) I have are easily three feet across, if not more. The white ones are very pungent but much smaller. Probably better suited for balcony gardening.
As for the rest of you, you’re making me feel like I should go into writing gardening porn.
gardening porn … you might make a fetishist out of me yet. I can’t quite get myself all the way to actual garden but I am drawn to it. This might be the alternative I am seeking.
‘Lavender’ also meant ‘laundress’ back in Chaucer’s day.
Let’s face it. Lavender smells soapy…
Yes, there’s a reason for this. On my recent visit to the Cloisters in NYC I learned the word “lavender” comes from the same Latin root that gives us the word “wash” in the Romance languages. Laver = to wash in French, Lavar in Spanish, etc. This is because in the early days people used the herb lavender as soap.
Funny, it’s come full circle with your blog post.
Oh and also back in Biblical times lavendar was called Nard, which Mary sister of Lazarus used to wash Jesus’ feet.
There’s that movie ‘Perfume’ for your gardening inspiration.
My lavender still exists but barely after last winter, I’m afraid to cut any. The rosemary – which was huge – didn’t return at all. And I don’t know if starting a new one now at the end of June is a good idea. Any advice?
If it were me–and I’m no gardening genius, I just sometimes get lucky–I would NOT cut any lavender, at least until you get a little farther along in the summer. And I would go ahead and plant a rosemary, but I’d probably get one of those cheap ones from Lowe’s or Home Depot. I do think you’re too late to invest in a good one, but why not spend two or three dollars to see? Mine is from Lowe’s and it’s huge now.
Please let me know when that webcam is set up. I could pass a delicious summer watching beautiful men curled up around lavender. Please also include smell and atmosphere.