Tied Shoelaces and Dead Relatives

I’ve been waiting for the funk to lift for basically ever, it seems like. But it’s funny how the little things do it. Not having to tie my shoelaces twice on a walk seems to have opened up just a tiny crack for a bit of non-funkiness to creep in.

I had a nice meet-up with Luke and Patience last night. I feel like I might have run into Patience before. But this was certainly the first time I’d run into Luke. He was surly and didn’t want to meet my gaze.

On my walk this morning, since I wasn’t having to contemplate shoe-laces, I was trying to figure out how to describe running into dead folks. And I think this is kind of what it’s like. Imagine you go to play dress-up at someone else’s house. They don’t know you, but they know a relative of yours. You, without talking, have to get them to dress you how you dressed twenty years ago. Yes, but in their clothes.

That, for me, is what it’s like to run into dead folks I don’t know. I can tell you that, when I have run into Patience, she has long straight black hair that she wears down and she wears a brown dress. Was that what she looked like in real life? I don’t know. Probably not. But that’s the costume and wig and face I have for her that gives her the closest semblance of “what she was like”. I imagine some people have bigger wardrobes, you know? They can come closer.

Anyway, the general gist was that going to the grave was important. She had already figured who I was and that I was seriously curious about them. He was a typical Phillips. Seemed to be pissed off to be bothered, but pissed off it’d taken so long to be bothered. There they were, after all. He looked just like my brother, when he finally showed me his face, though it was clear that’s not what he looked like, just something he wanted me to understand about him. But going to the grave opened a connection that hadn’t been opened.

She said it was important that his name was “Luke Peter”.

And that’s all they said. I showed them pictures of the grave and tried to give them things. They didn’t know what to do with them.

But it was nice. I’ve felt so cut off from that that it was nice to get back there, you know?