In Which I Start a New Fetish

Too bad “tossing someone’s salad” is already a thing. As you remember from previous posting, the Professor took me shopping and I bought things while under the influence of seeing how cute things looked on her. Seriously, there’s something about seeing a cute shirt on her that makes me feel like “Oh, yeah, I can totally rock this v-neck t-shirt.”

But I’ve spent the whole morning feeling self-conscious about the boob freckle just being out  and about while wearing said v-neck t-shirt and checking to see what I’m typing, etc. And then I got a sandwich from Jimmy John’s and they put a fuck-ton of lettuce on their sandwiches and, for some reason, I could not eat this sandwich without dumping that fuck-ton of lettuce all over my boobs. Like, literally, a head of lettuce, with a thin coating of mayonnaise just sliding down my boobs, coming to a final resting spot in my bra.

Do people like CoCo… um T? Is that her last name? CoCo T? You know who I mean. Ice-T’s wife, who is constantly running around just one string of dental floss away from naked? Do they have a bib for lunchtime?

Or is this why Coco walks around nearly naked? The lettuce eventually makes its way to the floor instead of getting stuck in her bra?

Is there like a grown-up bib? A napkin won’t cut it because the neckline on the shirt is too low. Are there ascots for women? Is that the solution? I can’t just sit at my desk in a strand of dental floss.

Or do I just turn on the webcam and start charging people to watch me drop food on my boobs?

7 thoughts on “In Which I Start a New Fetish

  1. If you find a way to make money off this, please let me know. I think I dress fairly modestly by current standards but I have decent sized boobs and I like a good v-neck. I could you some stories about things I have dropped into my bra, which aren’t nearly as amusing (to me) as the stories of things I’ve not realized I’ve dropped into my bra and found there later (i.e., why am I so itchy and uncomfortable? Oh look there’s a whole handful of potato chips crumbs in the underside of my bra).

  2. Potato chips crumbs probably aren’t the sexiest thing to use to make money. I think just paste chocolate sauce around your mouth :)

  3. I dropped a Fritos scoop down my v-neck the other day (you know, v-necks are my at home design uniform) so I sympathize with your plight.

  4. Although I highly endorse the moneymaking scheme, I doubt B’s employer’s servers would allow such. Or would they?

    So may I suggest:

    Hand towel from home? Check.

    Folded and stored neatly in desk drawer? Check.

    Removed and tucked into neck of shirt at lunchtime? Check.

    Shaken and aired daily after said lunch, or taken home and exchanged for clean one as needed? Check.

    Messy AND obsessive? Moi? Check.

    (I started this trick because there ain’t much to stop lunch leavings from tumbling ALL down my top. Unlike B, who at least gives her lunch leavings a lovely shelf to clutch as they tumble down to the floor.)


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