We are So Very, Very Classy

Okay, so first, yes, we do have an old stopper hanging from our towel rack like a trophy. But may I direct your attention to the blue yarn emerging from the tank, looping over the towel rack, and the landing gently just within reach of any toilet sitters?

That, my friends, is apparently how we are going to flush our toilet until Friday.

No, no, don’t be jealous. I’m happy to have the Butcher come over and rig you up a yarn-pull flush on your toilet, too. Why should all the elegance be mine alone?

Things to Amuse You This Afternoon

1. Photos where half the face is one person and half the face is another–like father/son, mother/daughter, brother/sister. It’s weird, but cool.

2. Good discussion about the future of books.

3. Francis Bean wants to be a singer. Understandable, but, ugh, also a strange choice considering what the job did to her parents.

4. Lord almighty, our lawyers sound like assholes. I mean, I know that’s part of doing your job, but still.

5. Some days I just want to sit next to Coble and listen to her describe the world from her path. I find it often illuminates mine.

6. My first thought was “Put some lemon juice on it” like you do when you’re trying to stop biting your nails. And then I realized how very, very stupid that advice would be.

7. Okay, here’s a weirdness I don’t quite know how to wrap my head around. The Knoxville News-Sentinal has been… um… may we say… not unbiased when reporting on Henry Granju’s death in a way that has been difficult for his family. Okay, fine. It’s not right, but, as the song says, it’s okay. But, why, then did they put her up for best blog in their readers’ poll?

I don’t ask this lightly: what kind of dick move is that?

Let’s even say that KNS believes their reporting has been fair. They also know it has been excruciating for Granju and her family and they know they’re running an open sewer disguised as a comment section where every anonymous asshole in town can run her down however they want.

And then this? “We know our reporting has been difficult for you. We know our commenters have been unbelievably cruel to you and your family, but hey! We think you’re one of the best blogs in town.”

That’s fucking disgusting.

It’s like the abusive boyfriend who slaps you “for your own good,” lets all his friends talk shit about you, and then offers you flowers.

So, I guess that’s not amusing. I mean, it’s amusing in that way when you side-eye an asshole and notice everyone else is side-eyeing him too, but it’s not fun-amusing, for sure.

Do You Know How Hard It Is to Find a Snazzy Hat for a Baby?!

My friends, JR and Elias, have been expecting a baby since… well, obviously, since they found out JR was pregnant. Since I found out, I have been searching high and low for a perfect present. JR not only knits, she spins her own yarn and can quilt. They are probably just fine on the handmade afghan front. So, I’ve had this idea for months that I would get the baby a hat befitting the awesome, eclectic style of the household it is about to find itself in.

A snazzy hat.

The kind of hat a baby would put on to go downtown in the 50s. The kind of hat a baby could roll down his arm during a dance sequence. The kind of hat that would cause people to say “There goes a sharp-dressed baby.”

No luck. I looked everywhere. I found lots of cute hats and lots of weird hats and lots of wild hats, but the kind of hat a baby could wear while playing trumpet in a jazz bar? No luck.

Until yesterday.

At the fucking Gap. I had a moment’s hesitation–does getting a snazzy hat from The Gap cancel out the snazziness? But I cringed and bought it anyway, because that kid is going to get here literally any second and I am out of time to search for a snazzier outlet from which to buy said snazzy hat.

I hope the baby likes it.