The other day I was telling the Professor about our neighbors’ dog who just recently had to be put down. And she asked, “The one you didn’t like?” and I said, “Yes, but we were starting to get along.” “And you’re worried your curse worked?” she asked, teasing.
But I had a brief moment where I was like “yes” except that I didn’t put a curse on poor Leo. But it is a kind of fear of mine that my ill-feelings towards someone might become manifest in their terrible misfortune. Because, dude, I might not like you, but I don’t really want you to suffer, you know? But it’s not just that–thought it’s that at some level; it’s also that I don’t want to be tied in some way to someone I don’t like and the idea that I could cause the suffering, just by wishing it, of someone I dislike? That would seem to be a road that would have to run both ways, you know?
Anyway, I’ve been mulling and mulling over this Sue Allen project, though calling it a project is at this point wildly optimistic. I have some notes. I have a timeline of weird Nashville history, and I have an outline of an alternative history of Sue Allen’s life that is fine, but isn’t really sparking my imagination. I want to write something really, really creepy. Really unsettling. And I don’t feel like just a straight-forward fake biography really gets at that.
So I’m thinking about what I find scary and why. What’s funny is that, if you look for “What makes something scary?” the most useful information comes from people who lead role-playing games–like really thoughtful stuff about what’s frightening and why and how to lead your player through it in a way that keeps them engaged and makes them feel satisfied in the end. The writing sites and the movie sites are just not as helpful.
I’m also thinking that I need a good book on the Golden Dawn and those kinds of formal, esoteric magical movements, because I wonder if some of the tension in the book isn’t between “this is the right way to do this” v. “this is what works.” Not that those aren’t often overlapping things, but you know. So, recommend away if you have them. Ceremonial magic has never really interested me, but I might need it.