The Times I Wish I was a Police Officer

1. When people fly by me on Lloyd even though the speed limit is clearly posted as 30 mph.

2. When I’m attempting to cross the road at the crosswalk with flashing lights on Broadway and a truck is turning left down by the convenience store, which should mean that I only have to worry about traffic coming from my left, but some asshole comes around the truck, up through the empty parking spaces and then slams on his brakes at me, as if I’m the fuck up. I should have citizens’ arrested him. Or rubbed him around on the Bat Taint.

Ugh, people, this Bat Taint is just… it’s stuck in my head. It’s all I can think about. Not all. But it’s like I’m trying so hard not to think about it that I’m all like “Oh, cool, I haven’t thought about Batman’s taint for like ten min… oh god damn it, now I’m thinking about Batman’s taint again!” It’s like the non-balls, non-asshole equivalent of a terrible earworm.