Yesterday someone said “I cant believe you give this stuff away for free” talking about “The Witch’s Friend.” Frankly–heh–I’m still in shock that someone paid me for “Frank.” Floundering around all summer with “Flock,” trying to figure out what to do with it and how, it was/is, to put it mildly, not easy. I think “Flock” is great. I’ve read other books this summer that I thought “Flock” was as good as.
So, you know, it’s hard. You start to wonder if you’re wrong about your own talent, if you’re right about your talent, but lack the skills to sell it. Or hell, people, you could have talent, mad selling skills, and you still have to luck out and find the person who says “Yep, I love this, too.” It’s like being nearsighted and trying to thread a needle across the room from you.
But mostly, being me, I just think I’m probably not as good a writer as I need to be in order to achieve my goals. And that’s depressing.
So, I joke and say that I give stuff away because I want it to be like crack, that you get some for free, you get hooked, and later you’re willing to pay for it. and you know, on my best days, when I’m metaphorically strutting into the ring like Jerry Lawler, I do feel that way.
But mostly, I don’t know what the fuck I’m doing. I’m floundering, here. Not in a bad way, but just in a “let’s acknowledge it” way. I really like “The Witch’s Friend.” I enjoyed writing it. I like rereading it now (though I go back and forth on the first part, honestly. I think it’s important for thematic reasons, but I don’t know that I like it as much as the other parts.). And we have a tradition here at Octobers.
It didn’t occur to me to try to sell it. I mean, to whom? It’s a novella, basically. S. mentioned that it might be a good fit for a Kindle edition of some sort and I think that may be a good home for it. Later.
I guess what I’m trying to get at here–and doing a bad job–is that my writing has benefited tremendously from blogging. I intend to continue to honor the traditions we have, for as long as they’re not burdensome. I like having readers who are interested in what I write and are happy to read along as I test my wings and try different things.
If there’s a shift to be made to “I should be getting paid,” I haven’t made it in my head yet. In part, because it seems like the world so strongly disagrees about “Flock.” I’m still in the “I would like to be getting paid, maybe someday” mindset.
But even then, even if I do get paid someday to do this–well, not this. But writing fiction. And yes, “Frank” I know. So, if getting paid becomes more regular, I still like sharing with y’all. And I guess I will continue to do that for as long as I like it.
If it’s stupid to not try to convert your audience into paying customers at the same time you’re trying to convert yourself into someone who’s getting paid, then I guess I’m that kind of stupid. Which, you know, doesn’t bode well. Ha ha ha ha ha.