Nothing says “Turn your back on heathen practices” like “Our Lord and Savior’s Penis.” There’s no on affiliated with that group who knows a 13 year old boy they could have tried that name out on?
But ignoring that “ween” means “penis,” let’s talk about Jesus Ween as a concept. When I first moved to Donelson, there was a church that performed a “Christian Version of A Christmas Carol.” Yes, Dickens’ story. This made me laugh so hard I almost drove off the road. I mean, A Christmas Carol already is the Christian version of A Christmas Carol. Just back in Dickens’ time, you didn’t have to have Jesus show up and be called by name for everyone to recognize who was behind all the good woo.
So, yes, isn’t this the same thing? Halloween is already Jesus Ween, so to speak. It’s the evening before All Hallows Day. Hallow Evening, if you will. Yes, it’s stuck on a pagan holiday, but, let’s be real. Probably not really. No, no, I know. Samhain. Or as they say on True Blood Sam hai ain. But let’s mark time without a calendar. You can tell the solstices and the equinoxes by using the sun. You can mark off months by using the moon. And days, of course, with the turning of the earth.
If Samhain was a set day for the pagans who celebrated it–if it occurred on the last day of the 10th lunar month–it would move around some (depending on how the Celts dealt with the the fact that a lunar month is just over 28 days) like Jewish holidays move for the same reasons. Therefore, it wouldn’t always been halfway between the equinox and solstice. And it would move around on our calendar. It wouldn’t always be October 31st. The two calendars wouldn’t line up.
Now, it’s possible that they just said, “It’s the 40th day after the equinox.” And that was the majority of the time October 31st. But it wouldn’t always be. Even the equinox moves around a little.
All this is to say that, yes, Samhain was a fall festival the pagans expected to celebrate roughly when we celebrate Halloween. But Halloween is and was a holiday invented by Christians for Christians to fill a need on their liturgical calendar (and, yes, to make conversion easier for folks).
Halloween is already Jesus Ween.