Ugh, fine. I will. TNGOP, come closer. Not that close. No, I’m not trying to have an affair with you. Put that beer back in the fridge! You have to drive home. Is someone pushing me? TNGOP, go stand over there! With your hands where I can see them.
Now listen up. Here’s how to play the whole voter ID thing. The only way. Whenever you are asked about it, whenever someone brings up problems with it:
“We are just trying to ensure that the person voting is who he or she says he or she is. The system for getting people IDs has not been as smooth as we had hoped, but we are working with local authorities to make sure that wait times aren’t ridiculous and that the paperwork requirements are clear to everyone before they come in, so that no one has to make multiple trips. That’s my comment. Thank you.”
Then you turn and walk away. Or hide in the bathroom, I don’t care.
What you’re doing–accusing a black woman who had to live through the onerous bullshit of the Jim Crow South in order to vote in her youth, who watched people die so that she could do basic citizen things like vote and go out in public and eat wherever the hell she wanted, of being exploited? It is so dumb that it hurts my heart. It’s literally causing me to advise you to stop doing things this stupid and I want you to lose. I’ve had to set aside my own best interest in order to try to convince you to stop being such dumbasses.
You know what old people don’t love? Having it insinuated that they’re too stupid to know their own minds. That they don’t come to the voting booth or to your bullshit rinky-dink efforts to make it difficult for them to vote without decades of experience in exactly your type of patronizing bullshit.
It’s deeply condescending to say that Dorothy Cooper is being exploited. She’s just old. She’s not an idiot.
So, shape the fuck up, assholes.