Forget Me. I’m Boring and My Dog Poops a Lot.

But there’s tons of stuff worth reading on the internet today.

1. What? Even more evidence that people who lie for you with lie to you? I am shocked. Shocked, I say. Honestly, is there anything in U.S. history that starts “I’m sure it will be fine if there are some Indians buried around here” that ends well?

2. Yeah, I get it. Mike Curb has a lot of clout and he might not be a great guy. But I can’t forget that he used that clout to ensure that Belmont straightened up–so to speak–on gay issues.

3. I don’t know if it’s just me, but I think something about Peter Cooper’s writing has really… I don’t know. He’s always been great. But he seems looser and more relaxed lately in a way I really enjoy and I loved this story about “Wagon Wheel.”

4. I thought this whole piece about Stephen Glass was really good, but man, I laughed out loud to see him making almost $200,000 for a book that sold less than 5,000 copies. And it was not a laugh of “Way to go.” It was the nervous laugh of someone who’s really glad to not be anyone involved in that equation.

5. Children’s drawings painted realistically. Amazing.

6. Do you know these brave women from Pearl Harbor? It’s wild how much they look like they could be my friends. They just don’t register as “old fashioned” to me. And yet, if those women are still alive, they’re the age of my grandma–90.

7. It’s weird to me that people can belong to a club, go there I presume regularly, and somehow not notice that there aren’t any black people. Every other part of this story I understand, but how you could be one of the people who wants the club to admit black people and yet not notice that their word that they were admitting black people seems to be false? I do not get it.

8. The Boners this year are good. I’d forgotten a lot of these stories.

9. I actually read this interview with Exene Cervenka a few days ago, but I can’t stop thinking about the last bit of it where she basically says that being a woman artist and being married are incompatible. I think what she’s getting at is kind of two-fold–that being an artist requires a kind of selfishness that is hard for a woman to maintain if she’s married and that straight men, no matter how great, have certain expectations for how women should behave when married that can make being an artist difficult. I don’t know if I wholeheartedly buy either of these things, but I do know I have a lot more time than my married friends to devote to writing and reading and I do think I’ve become… not selfish, exactly, but set in my ways in ways that… I don’t know. It’s hard to talk about. Let me see if I can be vague enough about this to feel comfortable. I’ve spend time with a guy or two who I really adored and who seemed to be wonderfully cool with me and yet, there seems to always come a point where I feel like they’re mad at me because I’m not doing the emotional work they’re used to having done for them by women they’re close to. And it causes problems. And maybe that is selfish of me. I don’t know. Anyway, obviously, it got me thinking.


11 thoughts on “Forget Me. I’m Boring and My Dog Poops a Lot.

  1. I’m married to an artist and I know exactly what she means. But it’s also true that even lots of solitary artists never feel like they have enough time to do all they want to do, in my experience, so in the long run it may not matter all that much. Is loneliness less stressful than trying to make time for someone?

    Everything’s a trade-off, in the end. Maybe if human beings lived twice as long as we do, we’d have time for everything.

    But yeah, there aren’t yet many men who are comfortable with the constantly-distracted, not-always-available spouse type. And that does put a subtle pressure on women artists that male artists don’t feel. I completely understand why a woman artist would not want to deal with that.

  2. #6 stopped me cold when I saw the photos of the women firefighters yesterday on – It looks so contemporary in a fashion – and the determination on their faces… damn, you know?

    The next time I’m asked “how are you not married?” I think I’m going ot point them to #9. I just can’t imagine dropping parts of my life in order to take care of someone else. I have a lot that I want to accomplish. Men aren’t called “selfish” when they have goals and aspirations – so screw that.

  3. I think there is definitely a very powerful energy that comes with not having to take into account other people’s needs and wants as much as most wives and moms are expected to do. Not to mention it is a lot easier to just be in places where art happens/other artists are/inspiration can be found and to be in those places at the right times for you.

  4. Yeah, I mean, I’m not buying that marriage is completely incompatible with being an artist, but I do think there’s some wisdom in being aware (and making sure your spouse is aware) that it’s going to require a kind of single-minded determination that they’re going to have to get used to.

  5. She’s fine. Honestly, to look at her, you would never guess there’d been any sort of problem. She’s leaping around and bothering the cats and she looks great. She slept through the night fine.

    Honestly, if I hadn’t had to clean it up with my own hands and seen how sick she was, there’s nothing today to indicate anything was amiss.

  6. I love Exene, always have, and I don’t totally think the opposite of what she said about the female artist/married thing but… well, I mean heck, her first husband (John Doe) – music artist. Second husband (Viggo Mortensen) – internationally known actor i.e. another artist (though granted, different medium).

    Just kinda thinking (especially in the case of marriage #1) that the female artist thing might not have been as large of a problem as put out there – especially in marriage #1, how could it have been, you know?

    Exene’s shared a stage with my friend Joyce Raskin, bassist of Scarce, who’s very happily married to a great guy, two fantastic daughters… my perception’s been that hubby has always been fabulously supportive of her career. It’s not her only job, no, but still.

    I dunno. It’s just not really adding up in contrast to some other female music artists I’ve known & been acquainted with or am familiar with. Of course many of them are in bands with their husbands, much like Exene’s hubby #1. I don’t know, that part of the article just puzzles me a bit (fantastic article in any case).

  7. Well, with Exene, her first husband was in the band and her second husband (don’t know if they were married or common-law) was Viggo Mortensen.

    I was at one time a repository for Viggo Mortensen facts, and I have to say that while he looks good in Navy Seal shorts…he would most likely be a crap husband. He’s known for having really poor hygeine, for being really intense and very selfish about his own creativity.

    So I’ve got to take her opinions about artists’ marriage with a grain of salt.

    Most of my life–save a few hours in the evenings and on weekends–are devoted to writing and reading because I married a man who wasn’t like me in every way. If you’re an artist, you do well to marry someone who appreciates your art but has their own avocations. I’m a writer married to an artisan. He’s creative, but his creativity extends more to the detailed craftsmanship of bikes and glass and woodwork. It hones a different edge to his personality and we fit together very well.

    I think Exene was (both times) in one of the types of marriages that’s hardest to sustain–where both personalities are so similar that their neediness and givingness are not seesawing but happening together. A lot of people get sucked into those relationships when their Givingness is peaking in both people. Then it seems like everything is a fountain of love and flowers and sex and perfection. When they dip into the trough of neediness (as everyone does), it happens at the same time. And the partner they had known initially as so giving becomes the tortured poet or the frustrated songwriter or the out-of-work actor at the exact time that they need a nurturer.

    So while I think you should definitely take the personalities of both parties into account while deciding to throw in together for the long haul, I don’t think it’s a s simple as saying “This person with this job or craft should never marry.” I mean, even Saint Paul gave a loophole.

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