The Professor Cures Mrs. Wigglebottom from Afar

You know what time of year a gal really can’t afford to take her dog to the vet? The time of year when any extra couple hundred bucks you might be able to scrounge up is supposed to go to getting people presents. And believe me, I didn’t even have that this year, hence the call for “Help me find cool things for less than $20 for these folks!”

So, it’s one thing to look on the internet, see folks saying “if your dog is barfing and has diarrhea for longer than 24 hours, take it to the vet” but what to do when that passes in less than twelve hours and your poor dog is just left with having to poop every couple of hours, even throughout the night? And it seems to be slowly improving but in fits and starts? And over days?

A gal may dream of being able to give her dog a common pink indigestion medication. She may also have looked on the internet and found conflicting information about whether this is okay. She may have even thought to herself “But the ingredient list looks exactly like the ingredient list on this dog medicine,” but she may have hesitated to pull the trigger.

Until her friend, the Professor, calls her up and said “I asked my friends who breed dogs about this. Do it.”

Then this poor gal, the subject of our story, the person who has been valiantly trying to keep her dog from eating her own vomit, from eating the cats’ vomit, from eating poop, from eating random things she found in the yard, from eating stuff that’s not even edible just to see, this gal may measure out half a dose of the pink stuff and put it on a plate in the kitchen.

She may call for the dog and say “Eat that.”

And the dog may look at her like “Oh, no. Please, please, please, no. Don’t make me eat that. No, god, no.”

And our hero may yell, “Oh my god, just eat it. Eat it. Eat it. Eat it!!!!!!”

And the dog may sit there, her big brown eyes growing wider in horror. “No, but it’s yucky! Can’t you see how yucky it is?”

Our hero might try another tactic. “Oh my god, Mrs. Wigglebottom. You are totally right. That is disgusting. That clearly looks like Muppet poop or barf. Yep, stay away. No, no, whatever you do, don’t eat that Muppet poop and/or barf.”

And the dog’s all “Whew, thank god. I thought it was fucking insane that you wanted me to eat that in the first place.”


Luckily, I found some pills in the bathroom closet, so I cut one in half and gave it to her hidden in some cheese and we all slept through the night and no one had to rush outside to go poop first thing in the morning.

Ta da!

Please, let this be the end of the poop narrative here at Tiny Cat Pants.


5 thoughts on “The Professor Cures Mrs. Wigglebottom from Afar

  1. Hooray for the Prof!

    On a side noteish thing…can I just say how much I loathe the Take To The Vetters? _Every_ time I look up something about a dog ailment there’s always someone who says Take Him To the Vet and gets very preachy about it. “You shouldn’t have a dog if you can’t/won’t take him to the vet every time any little thing goes wrong.”

    Um…okay? Because whenever I call my vet about the little things he’s all “just give Quinn a Benadryl in a hunk of peanut butter. I’ve got to save the life of a shih tzu who was hit by a car.”

  2. I am so glad to hear that it seems to have worked. But I think we’ll need another update about the state of the floor, and yes the dog, when you get home after work.

    But maybe today will be all doggy dreams and cuddling with cats.

  3. Coble, I agree. I even found one online fight where the “Take to the Vetter” was “But I know they’ve changed the formula for Pepto Bismol so even though it used to be safe, it totally isn’t now, so you have to take your pet to the vet.” And everyone else was like “Um, I don’t think that’s true and, if it is, couldn’t we just use Kaopectate?” and the Vetter was all “No, they changed the formula of that, too!” Really, we’re going to lie about things just to get people to the vet? It’s so weird.

    Maybe I’m wrong, but if I can fix it myself, I’d rather not take my dog to the vet, because she hates and is terrified of the vet. Good for people who can get their dogs to and from the vet without it being a nightmare, but especially after the surgeries, she won’t go sweetly.

  4. The only reason I would hesitate to give Kaopectate or the pink stuff is because the aspirin content could mess up compromised kidneys/liver.

    For erratic runny poops(with known cause) I use Imodium AD. Sadly, I can’t remember the dosage. Will your vet help out over the phone?

    And around here, Benadryl is used for copperhead snake bites. I get the vitals then call the vet to make sure what to watch for. And this is with dogs that loooove going to the vet. I just have better things to do if it’s something I can handle.

  5. Pingback: AnimalShak » A Poop Narrative

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