Someone Should Make a Movie about Joseph Durard/Durat/Derogue/Derock/etc.

Oh, people, you have to check this shit out. But here’s the long story short. So, our friend (and Timothy Demonbreun’s!), Joseph Deraque had been living in Nashville for about six months when he got a job rowing Mr. Fagot to New Orleans. While in New Orleans, Fagot tells the Spanish governor that the United States is getting ready to attack Spain. The governor’s all “WTF, Joe?” and Joe’s all “I didn’t hear them say anything about it, but I don’t want to impugn Fagot’s honor, because his descendants will go on to have enormous influence with the Juggaloes, a group that terrifies me, even though I will be long dead before they exist.”

So the Spanish governor’s all “You and Finnelson go tell all the Indians that Spain will arm them if they fight the assholes at Nashville.”

Joe’s all “Okay.” But Joe’s really trying to suss out whether the Indians will attack Nashville just because Spain wants them to and, yes, for the most part they will. But they’re going to lie to Governor Blount about it. So Joe and Finnelson totally narc them out and then go back to New Orleans where Fagot can’t pay them because he hasn’t sold his goods, even though he promised them a butt-ton of money.

And then the Indians do attack. But why did Fagot try to start a war between Spain and the U.S.? Governor Blount’s all “Tim says maybe he’s trying to get in good with the governor because he owes so much money to Spanish interests that, if he doesn’t sell some folks out, he’s getting arrested.” And thus people die.

And what did they find among the dead Indians at Buchanan’s station? “A fine Spanish blade.”

Nice going Fagot. Nice going, Spain. I will no longer eat delicious Spanish food while drinking Red Pop. You just ruined that for me.

The End.


Allenwood: I Still Think I’m Right, Maybe

The dog and I had a day full of not being able to find the Allens. Not out in the country and not really in the city cemetery. I found some Allens in the Gallatin City Cemetery, just not the ones I was looking for.

So, let us recap the clues we have about the location of Allenwood–“The old homestead of the Allens is situated on the Cumberland river three miles south of Gallatin.”–A history of Tennessee and Tennesseans (note that this book was published in 1913 and seems to indicate that the house was still standing at that time.) “Representative Houston became an occassional guest of Colonel John Allen’s plantation home in a bend in the Cumberland three miles south of Gallatin.”–The Raven.

We also know from a search of Google books that the main Gallatin port was out at the end of Woods’ Ferry and that the other two families living “three miles south of Gallatin” were the Chapmans and the Andersons. We know where the Chapmans were because one of them is still there. The Andersons are a harder call, but judging by this map from1878, they were further south. I still think that leaves the land between Lock 4 and 109 as the most likely location for the Allens’ home.

But still, I am stunned by this location’s ability to fall off the map. So to speak.

I’ll have to get back up to Gallatin and do a better job of tromping around the graveyard.