I Think I’m To the Staring Off Into Space Point

Yesterday was something of a total loss. I was a tired wreck all day and the first guy to come over and give me an estimate said I need to take down all the ceilings and put up new ones, because it was the only way to be safe. I asked him to give me a quote on drywall screwing the other ceilings to the rafters–you know, just reattaching or more firmly attaching the ceiling to the joists that have been holding them for all this time and he quoted me a price that was–seriously, the same as the cost of doing the whole living room. The living room, which has some minor demolition that needs to be done, new drywall that needs to be purchased, taping, etc., is the same price as running screws into the rest of my ceilings?!

By this reckoning, I can only assume that drywall screws must be the biggest materials cost on a construction site.

I’m half tempted to get a construction dude to give me his honest opinion for which I promise, in writing, not to hold him liable, about which kind of screw would be best suited and get the Butcher a stud-finder, a chalk line and a bunch of screws. Hell, people, I will happily live with looking up and seeing screw heads in my ceilings. I will make it so cool to have screwheads in your ceilings that other people die of jealousy that they do not.

How can it possibly be that expensive to do that? And anyway, how could I possibly afford to get all new ceilings? It’s just ludicrous. We’d have to move out of the house, which we can’t afford–even if we stayed in the camper, where would we bathe?–, we’d have to move everything somewhere, and then… what? Pull money to do that out of our asses? Just the logistics of it are insane. Plus, it seems like the kind of thing that just starts to ratchet up costs rather quickly. “Oh, you need all new insulation because we had to take yours down, even though it was only ten years old.” “Oh, we broke your light fixture.” “Oh, don’t you want us to rewire while we’re in there?” “You know, it’d be easier to rewire if we took the walls down.” “Since we have the walls down, do you want us to frame you up a new bathroom?” “Oh, hey, we need to replumb.” “Now’s the time to attach to city sewer!” “Oh, and by the way, we wrecked your driveway with all our equipment.”

I mean, my god, let’s just build a whole new house directly behind this one and then I’ll move in there and you can tear this one down. I’m sure that would be the easiest way to make sure the ceilings never again fell.

And what’s two mortgages in the grand scheme of things? After all, it is my safety.