Fretting about History’s Ghosts

So, I got in touch with Alyssa Rosenberg and she said I could totally use “History’s ghosts are powerful. Those who dare summon them should be clear about what they want, and be prepared for the consequences.” as an epigraph for Remind Me of the Dreaming Dead as long as it’s clear she said it.

I am, of course, back to fretting about the book, though my fretting is pretty amorphous. I can’t really hone in on exactly what about it is making me anxious today, just that I feel like I should be doing something… anything… to make it better. But since I’m not really sure what that “anything” would be, I just need to sit down and shut up and wait for the beta readers to finish up.

So much of life is teaching you the things you never wanted to learn. And I am afraid that I’m not a very good writer. No, that’s not exactly it. That would be something. I’m afraid that I am trying my very hardest and falling two inches short. But because this is the best I can do, I will never have it in me to clear those final two inches.

That scares the shit out of me. And yet, you know, I can’t stop trying, because that scares the shit out of me worse–that I could make it, because I’m so close, except I gave up.