In Which I Answer Your Vodka Soaked Tampon Questions

Due to the infamous post, I keep getting people arriving here searching for “What will happen if I put a vodka soaked tampon in my pussy?”

I would like to reiterate–if you are able to, at all, somehow get it in there, it will burn like a motherfucker. Worse than that, because it’s alcohol, it will feel cold and so you will clench up around it, which means that, though it burns like a motherfucker, it will be difficult to remove. And, because vodka has a much different viscosity than blood, when you stand up, you will find vodka either running down your legs or soaking the crotch of your pants, depending on how you’re dressed.

If you are worried about your parents smelling alcohol on your breath, believe me, that would be easier to mask than the smell of alcohol wafting off your whole crotchal region.

If you are dumb-ass enough to continue to want to try it, do yourself this favor first. Put some vodka on some toilet paper and then touch it to the mucous membrane down there. That‘s the feeling you’re going to get.

4 thoughts on “In Which I Answer Your Vodka Soaked Tampon Questions

  1. We need to get together and make a video or run a class for your “vodka tampon” people and my “lost tampon” people. Because, really.

  2. I caught an episode of Law and Order:SVU and it had either the M.E. or the shrink mentioning VSTs as an effective way of getting drunk.

    My first thought was “Don’t they read Tiny Cat Pants and know how much that doesn’t work?” (It is season 12 so maybe it’s before you cleared things up.)

  3. “Crotchal region” always makes me giggle. As do the idiots who think this will work.

    I will now pour a glass of wine and await the troll who says, “Yeah-huh! It’s true! My best friend’s sister’s roommate said she did it alllllll the time in high school.”

    Actually, let me save you the trouble. Dear troll: your best friend’s sister’s roommate is either a liar or does not understand her own ladybits. Possibly both. And none of you are savvy enough to escape parental notice when you drink, so you should find a new hobby.

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