The Butcher Comes Home!

The Butcher comes home from his exciting adventure today. He said he was going to Vegas, but when he got there, he texted me that he was on his way to Utah. And then the pictures he sent were all of grand canyons and, well, I think the literal Grand Canyon. So, I will wait for the Butcher to get home to hear where he’s actually been.

It’s one of my favorite things about the Butcher. Well, I have lots of favorite things about him. But I love that he is not afraid of the big world. That’s not something I can say about myself.

Also, I was reminded yesterday of the not-so-illustrious career of the pirate Captain John Phillips, whose pirate captain years were fairly short and unsuccessful, what with his crew of eight guys (eleven at the height of his power). I mean, I’m sorry, but a pirate ship with nine crew members is just an angry canoe. He’s only well-known because his was an angry canoe with a surviving list of things the pirates could and could not do.

Here’s the thing. I found some Phillipses in Connecticut who had his stuff. A woman had some gold rings of his. A man had a letter he’d written (this would be in the mid-1700s and he was a pirate a little earlier than that). And the family lore seemed to be that John Phillips was these Phillipses’ either father or grandfather by way of his second wife.

But I couldn’t find anything on my brief internet search about whether his family ended up in Massachusetts.

Still, of course, I am dying to be related to him. We are related to a lot of scoundrels on my dad’s side (and a lot of ministers, with some overlap)–Lizzie Borden, Johnathan Moulton, Mary Sibly and Mary Wolcott. Why can’t we have a pirate in the mix?

If it turns out we are related, my first act will be to capture eight people, put them in a canoe, and force them to listen to things I’ve written!

Don’t ask me, “B. why are you mean?”

“Why do you write stuff?”

“Why do you get angry when I spit out my snuff?

Stop and think it over. Try to put yourself in my unique position.

If I get mean and read you stuff against your will and make you steal from other people, I’m just carrying on an old family tradition.

It almost works.