The Red-Headed Kid Had a Birthday!

The Red-Headed Kid is mowing my lawn. It’s awesome because it means Mrs. Wigglebottom gets a visitor once a week, which I can tell just delights her. But it bums me out because I don’t actually get to see him except for like the five seconds when he arrives before I leave.

Anyway, he turned twenty-eight on Monday and he’s having a hard time of it. As you might imagine. Since I’m sure, no matter how much you’re like “Oh, I’m not going to die at thirty now!” it’s probably very hard to get that deadline out of the back of your mind. It becomes a number around which a lot of psychic energy gets expended.

He told me that he’s having a hard time, too, because he realizes he’s going to have to come up with some long-term plans, or goals, or just something to work toward, and, really, he’s never had to do that before.

I didn’t have any good advice for him. I tend to flounder. It goes with my wallowing. I mean, practically, they’re the same motion, just one is less fun.

But then something becomes unbearable–for me it was the thought that I wasn’t going to at least try to be a writer–and you do it because not doing it sucks worse.

Lucky for folks who get that feeling early, I guess. But you can’t time it.

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Two Douches

1. This Canadian guy. My favorite part is that his mom isn’t talking to him. But, by god, I don’t want to live in a world where a drunken guy can’t swim to the United States from Canada and get two governments and his mom pissed at him.

2. Lance Armstrong. Holy shit!

The lawsuit, filed in 2010 by Mr. Armstrong’s former teammate Floyd Landis, alleged that Mr. Armstrong and others defrauded the government when they took sponsorship dollars from the Postal Service with the understanding that there would be no use of performance-enhancing drugs on the team.

But Mr. Armstrong, in a 25-page rebuke of the allegations, said the Postal Service should have known that he was doping. Allegations that he had used performance-enhancing drugs had received news coverage. But the officials “did nothing,” the filing says. Armstrong was denying his use of performance enhancing drugs during this period.

What is this? I laughed out loud when I read it. Really? America’s boyfriend, who lied and looked sincere for years now says it’s our fault for trusting a liar? Someone needs to check and see if that man even had cancer. At this point, there’s no depth to which I think he wouldn’t descend.