I just cannot shake this summer’s grand funk. I’ve hung out with friends. I’ve sat at home alone reading. I’ve been on trips. I’ve not been on trips. I listened to music I was excited about. I sat around in silence. I wrote some things I’m pleased with. I’m revising some things I’m pleased with.

I sit on the couch making jokes with the Butcher. I sit in coffee shops with S.

And I just can’t find anything that soothes my soul.

I was saying last night on Twitter that I envy the authors who write the grand, flaming, fuck-yous to editors. Let me be clear. This is never a good practice. There’s not a single instance in which your angry letter is going to get anyone to reconsider publishing you.

But man, how awesome it must be to have that kind of confidence–to know your shit is amazing and anyone who doesn’t see it is an idiot.

I get rejected and I immediately assume that I suck as a writer and everyone who says otherwise is just being kind. Which is its own kind of insulting problematic script, don’t get me wrong. But I think it must be nice to feel so sure of yourself that, when things don’t go your way, you know it’s the other person who’s being a fool.

Beef and Noodles Dreams

The Butcher made beef and noodles for dinner, which were delicious, even though I burned myself on them three times–doing the noodles for him, spilling my dinner on my lap, and then touching the bottom of the pot while putting the noodles away. So, that wasn’t fun. But then I had the best sleep I’ve had in ages.

But I had this really vivid dream that Mayor Dean turned downtown Nashville into a historical reenactment place, like Colonial Williamsburg, and we were all required to work there, but I didn’t have money for costumes, so I decided to open a historical brothel, figuring we could all be naked. But I couldn’t find a landlord who would rent to us or, if they did, who wouldn’t harass my girls.

So, I rented a cart, piled all my girls in it, and went around town trying to find new places while the tourists cheered us.

I woke up in a panic because I had no way to pay for the rented cart.