Constipated

I have like twenty things floating around in my head and I just can’t write about any of them satisfactorily.

1. Don’t google a dude you used to have problems with twenty years ago, because the fact that he lived in Kentucky for a while means nothing, but you won’t believe it.

2. Yes, it does seem like everyone around me is up to interesting stuff and I seem to think I have kind of stalled out. I appreciate you sending me random people who don’t know each other to continue to tell me that, Universe. That part was sarcasm. I do really appreciate them pointing out that I can’t judge success by some random timeline I just made the fuck up.

3. This has just been a bad/weird year for a lot of people I know.

4. In my particular case, the kind of bad/weird it is has, as you know, been summarized in “The Year of Things I Feel Ambiguously About.”

5. And yet, it’s only taken me until September to decide to steer into the slide.

I guess what I mean is that. I cannot stop weird, sometimes bad shit from happening. I can’t say things to sooth my friends who’ve lost their mothers, sister, nephews this summer. I can’t make my life be exactly what I want it to be right now. I can’t, frankly, exert much control over what’s happening at all.

And what do you do, if you’re driving down a road, going the direction you want to go, and you hit a patch of ice and the car begins to slide? Literally, all you can do is take your foot off the gas and continue to steer toward where you want to end up. Whatever is going on with the car otherwise, you can’t control.

Just keep steering toward where you want to end up. You may still crash. But those are your best chances.

That’s what I’m going to try to practice.

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