I got home from work today and my smaller lilac was gone. My first thought was that the Red-Headed Kid had somehow mowed over it, but there aren’t any torn up stems sticking out of the ground. There’s just a bare spot of dirt–also suspicious because you know the Butcher never trims–and an absence of my lilac bush.
I’m feeling confused and a little grossed out. The confusion coming from the fact that a.) lilacs are pretty cheap and not worth stealing; b.) both lilacs had lots of little side shoots, which are easy to dig up and grow into their own big bushes very well, and that’d have to be easier to carry off than a whole bush; and c.) just how fucking weird and random?
The grossed out feeling is that a.) they went to some length to fill back in the hole. I don’t know why that creeps me out, but it does. Like maybe they thought what they were doing was bad, but not that bad, because they didn’t leave a hole? It is bad, lilac thieves. Don’t pretend it’s not. b.) the small lilac isn’t very obvious. You have to be in my back yard or the back yard of my neighbors to the south to even see it. So, for someone to even know it was there, they had to be creeping around back here.
I don’t like that feeling.
But mostly, it’s just weird. I hope that lilac thrives in your yard, assholes. And then, someday, I hope it leads to your death. However a lilac might kill someone.
Tiny Cat Pants 
I’m hoping this is as “The Year of Things I Feel Ambiguously About” as September gets.
That’s just creepy. And especially the spending time to fill in the hole.
Death by lilac-when they’re admiring their ill-gotten lilac, a bee on it stings them and they have a severe allergic reaction.
I keep trying to convince myself that the Red-Headed Kid hit it with the mower and was just too embarrassed to tell me, but, though it was a small lilac, it was a good three and a half feet tall, with plenty of little side shoots, so, it had a good two foot footprint. And there’s NOTHING in that spot now. Not a stump, not severely shaved off little sticks coming up from the ground. Not the privet that I kept trying to dig out of there. And no grass. it’s just a bare spot where the lilac used to be.
Plus, the Butcher cut down my baby filbert bush and the Red-Headed kid and i teased him about that. So, he knows dumb shit happens. I just don’t think he wouldn’t have at least told the Butcher.
But I also just don’t think our lawn mower could have mowed it down or left the spot so devoid of evidence.
Have you tried digging up the hole to see if any roots were left? I would, just to reassure myself that aliens hadn’t zapped it up.
Ha, no, but I’d think aliens would have taken the bigger one.