Miss Pearl has Powers, Anyone Can Tell You

Oh, so I forgot to tell you about this. You remember a while back when Miss Pearl’s house got broken into? I was over there the other day, because I like to check on her, that poor little old woman living all by herself in that great big house. I sent Bobby over there to cut her lawn and he told me that she wouldn’t let him weed-eat or trim her bushes, because the cats like it in there.

I haven’t ever seen a single cat in her house, but Bobby insists she’s got a dozen, if not more. You can’t smell them, anyway, which is better than I can say for my own house.

But as I was saying, we were having tea and I noticed that we were using her silverware, which was stolen when they broke in, because it’s actual silver.

“Miss Pearl,” I said, holding up her spoon to her. “Did the police find who robbed you?”

“Oh, no, dear,” she said. She has the most delicious lemon bars. That’s what we were eating, while we drank our tea. That’s a good way to do it. You get the tea like God intended, but the lemon bars give you a little citrus and some sweetness. I was telling Bobby that’s how we should start serving tea. He just laughed, though, at the idea that I was going to start serving tea at all, let alone that I was worried about the best way to do it. But I just might, you know. Someday.

Anyway, then Miss Pearl said this, which I found peculiar. “Those boys are bringing my things back.”

“Miss Pearl?” But I didn’t really know what question I wanted to ask. So, I just went with “Why would they do that?”

“A long time ago,” she said, “I put a fix on everything in this house. If I give you something, it will be a blessing to everyone who possesses it. If you steal from me, it’s a curse to whoever has that item.”

Well, you know, I was thinking about how, when I went to put the dishes in the sink, I did sneak another little bit of lemon bar without asking and it did give me a stomach ache. So, maybe it’s not as preposterous as it seems.

Still, at first, I didn’t believe it much. But I was talking to Bobby about it this morning and he told me that Connie Stevenson fell and broke her arm last week. Yes, that’s after the car accident and that terrible haircut. And Bobby told me that, when he was over there mowing the lawn, Connie marched right up to Miss Pearl’s front door, with that brat of hers by the ear, and when Miss Pearl answered the door, that boy said something to her that Bobby couldn’t hear, but he said the boy was slumped all over like you do when you’re forced to apologize, and then he handed a bag full of stuff back to Miss Pearl.

And then! I am not even kidding you, Connie took off her broach and handed it to Miss Pearl and then slapped that boy right upside the head. I wish I could have been there to see that! You know that boy has been nothing but trouble since he got to high school and Connie’s always insisting he’s an angel and that he can do no wrong and did we know he was a starter on the football team and probably going to play at UT?

Well, we’ll see about that, if he keeps down this path.

Ha, well, yes, I guess we will. You don’t mess with Miss Pearl. I firmly believe that.

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