Oh Bodies

On Friday, I hate pizza for lunch and pizza for dinner, and then was surprised when my period started that night.

I feel like this is a metaphor for life–all these not-so-subtle clues strewn out before you and you’re just skipping merrily along the path without noticing a one until, bam, there’s blood.

And by you, I mean me.sticky

The older I get, the more I think that the most important story we will kids is Little Red Riding Hood. Look! Is that really your grandma in the bed? How can you believe that the wolf who walks with you means you no great harm? Did you not see how he licked his chops when he looked at you?

I had to give blood at the doctor’s last week and I don’t know what kind of bandaid the tech used, but I can’t get the sticky off. Rubbing alcohol, hydrogen peroxide, very old nail polish remover, and, in desperation, mouthwash. All no good. Don’t get me wrong, they’ve completely killed the sticky facing out, but obviously, the sticky that is attaching the stickiness is doing a great job of holding up.

One of my friends with a baby said I should try baby oil, which I don’t have at the house. And, though she had a baby, who was with us, it didn’t occur to me to ask her if she had any on her. And so I am still inadvertently conducting an experiment in how long the sticky can last.

Though how well my phone photographed my arm freckles does make me wonder if I can get a picture of one of my reverse freckles. Let me see.

Yes! apparently my ancient iPhone is perfect for taking pictures of reverse freckles!

reverse freckle

6 thoughts on “Oh Bodies

  1. Any oil should work the same as baby oil. Though now I’m wondering if there’s a difference between petrochemical and veggie….

  2. I’ve got no babies and I always have baby oil. It’s just about the best thing after a shower, so much better at locking in moisture and giving smooth skin than any lotion out there. Okay, I do like some fancier adult oils (like Neutrogena’s sesame oil) except that they are so damn expensive and not that much better than plain old mineral oil.
    Sorry I can’t share mine with you.

  3. It’s fine. I’m just going to use my stickiness like a tattoo so people can recognize me when Justin Bieber’s bodyguards are trying to sneak me out of Brazilian brothels.

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