My Mysterious Rash

rashI broke out all on my upper chest area here on Friday, which I was bummed about because it seemed like it might be a food allergy and a food allergy to Indian food would crush me. But here it is, Tuesday, and it’s still there. This is one spot of it. It itches. But it hurts if you itch it.

On the other hand, if you look just to the northeast of it, you see a faint pinkness. That was a massive scar from my biopsy a million years ago. And now, look at it. You can hardly see it.

I find bodies interesting. The other day I found a black hair growing out of the side of my nose, just from right about where you’d get a piercing, laying across my cheek, like a good inch or so.

And I’d like to believe that, if I had slowly been growing a black hair out the side of my nose, I’d have noticed it long before it reached halfway across my cheek. So, the more alarming prospect is that somehow, my nose–which mind you, is not an inch thick–sprouted an inch long hair in an evening. Where was it storing all that pre-hair material? Should I be letting scientists take samples of my nose so that they can develop better treatments for baldness?

Would anyone use a treatment for baldness which was “Rub B.’s nose cells all on your head?” Could I set up some kind of blackmarket nose cell delivery business, where you come over and I wipe my outer (I promise, just my outer, no snot) nose all on your head?

In this new economy, is that my retirement plan?

Let’s be honest–yes.