–I think Think Progress is acting up, since my awesome post from yesterday is missing and my post for today has not yet appeared.
–You all know I think Kelis is an underrated genius, right?
–Dave Rawlings Machine tickets go on sale on Friday. But I have no money, so that’s making me sad.
–“The Ghost River section of the Wolf River received its name from the loss of river current as the water ‘flows’ through open marshes and bald cypress-water tupelo swamps.” Words cannot express how much I love this.
—How to treat werewolves.
My walk was uninspiring. Somehow, I walk the same amount that I walked with Sadie, but it seems shorter and like everyone is out to hit me with their cars. Or trucks as the case may be today.
But it was long enough to have this realization:
I worry about being a shitty writer in the same way other women worry about being ugly or fat. It is the thing I do to myself to undermine myself and give myself an excuse to blame my feeling anxious or frustrated on something presumably controllable–my willingness to keep doing something I’m bad at. My unwillingness to discipline myself into better behavior.
The afghan I need to have finished by the end of the month is all crocheted up. And most of the tails are tucked. I can finish the rest of them up tonight and start piecing it together. I have no idea how that’s actually on track.
But I have to say that it makes me angry that I can compose a to-do list of overwhelming magnitude, power through it, and get to this point and rather than feeling satisfied at being on-course, I’m all, “no one will ever publish my fiction again.”
I have to learn to be kinder to myself.