I Felt It

Okay, I had a chance this morning to give it a really good look. It’s about as long as my finger, just this straight line with a little bruising on either side. One end is near my arm pit the other closer to my nipple. It feels kind of hard, especially at the ends. And it’s very sensitive. The surgeon said that the hardness will go away after a long while. The incision strikes me both as being enormous and too small, but I think that’s just on account of its narrowness.

I got to sleep without a bra last night and, for the first time in two weeks, I slept really well.

I want to say something about how it felt to stand naked in front of my mom at this age, because I could not get dressed or undressed without help, or shower without help, or brush my own hair. How it made me feel so tenderly toward her to know that this is what she did for me when I was growing up and that this is what she would do for me, even now, when I needed it. But I don’t know how to put it into words.

I also want to say something about how much it meant to me, when I was hungry and I was convinced that there wasn’t anything to eat, I went to the fridge and found the last piece of the One Ton Lasagna or how much it meant to me that people called and came by and checked on me, even though I was a grouchy mess.

This blog is going to turn ten years old in a little over a week. And most of the good things in my life have come to me because of it. Because of you guys.

Let’s all get drunk, throw our arms around each other, vow we’ll see each other soon, even if we know we might never see each other again, and sing.

3 thoughts on “I Felt It

  1. Go to the drugstore and find cocoa butter sticks. It must be a stick. It’s in with the scar reducing stuff or the sun screen, depending on the store. Rub that on your scar and it will soften it up and make it feel less tight.

  2. Don’t do that unless the surgeon has told you it’s OK to put stuff on the scar. I was told to wait until 6 weeks after my operation before I put anything on it. After that, then moisturizers and all are your friend. Also be aware that as it heals you will swear you feel it puckering up on the inside.

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