Who Does to and Who is Done to

This week I read about two different instances where football teams were shut down due to sexual assault–on younger players. As a part of hazing.

This, I think, is the hardest thing to fight about rape culture. I know I’ve said this before, but I’m going to say it again. We live in a culture where power is sustained through doing things to others they do not want done to them. The football coach tells you to run up the hill and you don’t want to, but you do because he said so. He has power over you. But you don’t have to be powerless. You can stick a broom up a 14 year old’s butt, even though he doesn’t want you to. You have some power.

I don’t know how we undo a culture like this by only insisting men stop raping women. They are only doing to us what’s been done to them.

It’s depressing.

3 thoughts on “Who Does to and Who is Done to

  1. You can’t undo DNA. This nation was born of exploitation, rape, and genocide. The national culture will always, without fail, demonstrate that. It cannot be reformed or healed. It can only perish; perhaps if the toxic remains can be removed and the land disinfected, something better can be conceived and born in its place.

  2. Yeah, but by whom? I think we’ve done some uniquely terrible things (meaning terrible things other countries haven’t done), but I don’t think we’re unique in the terrible things we do. Humanity seems fucked up across the board. So, what’s the answer? Just try to mitigate as much suffering as we can and hope the birds outlast us and do something better with their world?

  3. I am not ready to give up on humanity just yet. And I think there are ways to have authority (as in the case of a sports coach) without it encouraging abuse. I have had leaders I respected, and followed willingly. A child who wants to play a sport will put up with running up hills to get to do it. You have to have consent woven all through it, though. If your parents won’t let you quit a team/sport you hate, if they are ok with an abusive coach, then that is part of the problem.

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