The Trouble With Your Own Fingertips

The trouble with your own fingertips is that they are so sensitive and, as long as you are getting sensation from them, your brain will make up for the fact that you’re not getting sensation from whatever skin you’re touching. And, frankly, maybe I’ve been nervous about paying too close attention.

But I stood in the kitchen early this morning, before the Butcher woke up, and took a fork to my boob. Gently, of course. And the feeling is gone in that area. So, imagine my thumb. The scar on my boob is about as long as from the tip of my thumb to that joint right where the thumb meets webbing. And from the midpoint of that scar, though more above it than below, is a circle about twice that area, of nothing. No feeling. Poke, poke, poke, No way to tell.

I wonder if it will ever come back, the feeling. Or if I’m just going to have a scar and a dead spot.

It’s weird. The scar doesn’t bug me. It’ll fade. The little divot is weird, but it both seems like it might fill out and, if not, well, boobs sag and get strange looking.

But this feels like something missing. Like I have been irrevocably through something, like I can’t go back to the way things used to be.


5 thoughts on “The Trouble With Your Own Fingertips

  1. during college in art school I sluced off the tip of my left thumb with an x-acto blade. The emergency room doctor taped it back on to the tune of $100. There’s a cute scar that looks like a blister & I’ve never quite gotten the feeling back correctly in that area – either there is no feeling or the nerve I touch lines up in the wrong place. It’s strange.

  2. I have nerve damage on the side of my index finger so there’s a tiny spot that’s part of me but doesn’t feel like it. It’s odd having a part of your body there but not there.

  3. I cut off parts of the tips of two fingers sometime in, I think, ’96. Nearly twenty years later and they still don’t quite have feeling. It’s such a weird sensation to not feel with the spot on the finger but to feel the pressure of whatever I’m touching. It’s also weird feeling it with a different finger, possibly the idea that two fingers can usually feel each other feeling each other, but a finger can feel this spot without the spot feeling the finger. I’m not sure that’s explained it at all.

  4. You all are making me feel much better about it. Sam, I get what you’re saying. I also think part of the reason it took me so long to notice is that my brain was kind of filling in the sensation for me. Like, since it knew my finger was touching my boob, it gave me a little sensation in the boob because it expected it to be there. That’s why I had to do the fork test.

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