I Have Failed

I haven’t been able to walk lately. The weather’s been shitty. The house looks like a garbage tornado hit it. And I’m just down. I was telling a friend this morning that I feel both like I’ve failed to accomplish anything with my life and failed to protect myself from fools. And that just feels kind of unbearable.

The refrigerator leaks. The oven door is still busted. I’m missing a hubcap thanks to all our new potholes. But I need to do my taxes before I spend any extra money. So, I just have to live for a while in my rickety state of crap.

I told the Butcher this morning I feel like I’m having a midlife crisis. Like the kind of midlife crisis that leads people to come home with convertibles and 20-year-olds. So, put car theft and kidnapping on my list of things to do, I guess.

I’m 40 years old and I still don’t have money. I have more money than I used to. But I still can’t fix my problems when they happen.

I don’t know why it burns me so much, but it does.

Also, you’ll be unsurprised to learn that Project X has been pushed back again.

I don’t know what I’m doing. I really don’t.

4 thoughts on “I Have Failed

  1. if you come home with a convertible and a 20 year old at least you won’t be thinking about all the other drama :-)

    hang in there… spring is coming

  2. Heck, your writing is an inspiration for fellow bloggers (at least for me), your knitting art an envy of a lady and your subtle sense of humour is a plus.. what else you need Aunty B… have been following your blog for sometime.. your writings are true reflection of your moods.. how about a change of interests, a break from the mundane ? A children’s story book maybe?

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