And Another Thing

I’m having unsettling neighbor drama. He came over on Thursday to see if I wanted cucumbers and I said, “Yeah, I guess” and then he was all “No, you can’t have these. They’re crap.” Um, okay. You came to my house and offered me cucumbers. And then he said he’d bring some by later and I was thinking that this exchange was already so weird that I didn’t want to have to interact with him again anytime soon, so I told him that we were going to be in and out all weekend, but someone (read: the Butcher) would be home on Sunday.

Cut to Saturday morning when I was having a laugh because the black dog heard the orange cat meowing in the garage, but could not locate him, because the cat was up on the shelf. But all was cool. The cat was way out of harm’s reach of the dog. The dog was supervised by me. The garage door was shut.

Then, from in the house, I hear my phone buzz. I have a text. I go in the house, I see it’s the Butcher, I text him back. Importantly: I have left the door between the garage and the house open so that I can keep an ear on the dog. And then I realize I hear the black dog barking like mad–outside. I rush into the back yard and there’s the neighbor, swinging his cane at the dog who is barking like a madman at him, standing firm, hackles up. I start screaming, “Put your cane down, he won’t bite. He won’t bite.”

Dude’s all “I thought you guys weren’t going to be home and I heard a dog in your garage and I was just checking to see if a stray had gotten in there. I didn’t recognize this dog.”

All of this is bullshit. I said we’d be in and out. He did not hear the dog in the garage, because part of what was so funny about the dog and the cat was that the dog was making these really quiet “yip” noises to seemingly try to encourage the cat to make a noise in response. When your house is on the opposite side of my house from the garage, it’s utter bullshit that you heard a dog in my garage, even a barking dog, but especially not one making hysterical yip noises.

He let that dog out of my garage and then, if I had not come out back, he would have beat it with his cane.

There are a million reasons why a dog might be in my garage–maybe I’ve found a stray and I put it in the garage for animal control to pick up. Maybe a dog is sick and I need to run out and I’d rather have it barfing and shitting on hoseable concrete than my hardwoods.

It doesn’t matter. I don’t know why I’m justifying why a dog I have temporary custody of is in my closed garage. I didn’t do anything wrong. That creepy jackass was coming in my garage and he got busted by the black dog.

Why the fuck was he trying to creep around my garage?

And then he kept going on about how he didn’t know we were dog sitting.

What the fuck?

He’s not our landlord. This is literally the third and fourth time I’ve ever talked to him, because I found the first two times so fucking weird.

The black dog seemed untraumatized, but I’m still upset about it.

4 thoughts on “And Another Thing

  1. That’s just mega creepy. I would be locking everything up so hard and just be too busy to ever talk to weird neighbor again.

  2. Time to start letting the police know that neighbor is making a habit of wandering on to your property and opening doors.

  3. Ugh, who opens someone else’s garage door? Is this a new neighbor? Listen to your gut when someone seems “off”, avoid this guy. And lock your doors for sure, but ugh. I’m so sorry.

  4. what emjb said – your “human animal” is telling you something isn’t on the up and up. listen.

    He wants into your garage or your house for some reason. Don’t let him in.

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