I spent yesterday with my nephew or preparing to arrange my life so I could get up to my nephew.
Friday, though, I went to the therapist.
I wanted her to help me figure out how to take compliments without deflecting or downplaying or being an awkward mess.
We talked about it for a while and she asked me if I wanted to be seen or invisible. I said that my first instinct is to say “invisible,” but I keep doing things that make me very seen.
And she pointed out that I don’t have any problem being seen by crowds, even when those crowds are full of people I know. I have problems being seen, really seen, by individuals.
She said I have to come to accept that I have bad qualities I may not be able to hide, bad qualities I may not even notice, and that people can still like me. Even knowing those things.
I’m still mulling that over, let me tell you.