I just like this so much.
This morning, the dog lied to me. He made like there was a squirrel he needed to chase, so I dropped his leash so he wouldn’t yank my arm off. But really he just wanted to run through everyone’s back yards while I got mad.
One of my neighbors was working on his car, down on the ground, under the car, and the dog plopped himself down on top of my neighbor. I repeat. This asshole saw someone on the ground and put himself physically on top of that dude. 120 lbs of surprise dog on a dude.
I had to take a break from writing this post after that paragraph because I’m so fucking mortified even just remembering it.
The guy thought it was hilarious. Thank god.
Tiny Cat Pants 
We took my wife’s dog to Warner Park for a walk and he found a lady doing leg stretches on a guardrail. She had her head down at her knee so he ducked between her legs and got her right in the face. It was extra bad because he was on leash and I didn’t even see it coming. And this was a date early in our relationship so I was not allowed to hold the leash again for a long time.