Feb 22

Not a Nice Lady

Well, I had been a group of people. Now I’m “not a nice lady.” I think in the past this would have nagged at me. A little stone in my shoe.

But now I just find it curious. What does it even mean to be nice?

I have been on a tear lately. Fed up with some stuff and finally tired of pretending like I could make it work. I told the Butcher yesterday I feel like I’ve just been a monster bitch, but here’s the thing: it’s working.

And that feels like a hilarious, terrible lesson. Trying to be conciliatory and understanding and “nice” doesn’t get you anywhere if other people aren’t also trying that.

I also, though, feel like “nice” is often “lie to me in ways that make me feel okay.”

And, you know, being nice in that fashion if your friend has a bad haircut is okay. It’s the social lubricant that keeps the world moving. But being nice in that fashion when deadlines or money are on the line is not good.

5 thoughts on “Not a Nice Lady”

  3. Sometimes getting shit done means not being nice, but nice is often selfish and self serving, whereas being kind is always about other people. You are a kind person. You can continue to be kind and still get shit done. Nice is overrated.

  4. flickerjax is right about nice versus kind.

    Niceness can be a social lubricant, but it doesn’t help anyone to pretend it’s not also a weapon. I’m from Minnesota, where Minnesota Nice is both a powerful social lubricant that saves live and one hell of a nasty weapon that probably costs them.

    I value what you write because you have written things that broke my brain, that helped me force it onto new lines of cognition with a sharpness that is freaking painful. That shit fucking hurts. But it’s *learning*, of the best kind, to be prized above rubies. It’s not nice — it’s a million times better than nice.

  5. Thanks, all. I also think an important distinction for me is that kind is something I can judge for myself. I know what kindness is and whether I am doing it.

    Nice is so often a value other people put on you so striving for niceness is striving to meet other people’s standards instead of your own.

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